i love my macaroon

Hehe ♥ (except the funky smell it has).

I was unfortunate enough this early morning to be horrified upon the discovery of something in the office. Guess what is it? My bank statement. Oh my lorddd! All the outflows with no single inflow. Plus I didn't have much saving to start with. Thank goodness for my dad's buffer amount! Interest for overdraft is the last thing I would want to have. It's like poison, sucks the blood out of one from every now and then until one gets in the green zone. I guess my Warehouse dress will have to wait. Either that or farewell. Urgh, definitely disliking this sudden curbing of appetite!

Online shopping has taken over me. I no longer have as much control as I used to have. My resolution to save up is totally disregarded. The reason why I came to such judgement is because I realised some of the good I bought on the net haven't been giving me as much satisfaction as before. In addition, there wasn't as much deliberation on whether I should make the purchase as before. Ahhhhhh impulsive buyer doesn't go with being an Accountant, yes?

Ok I shall stop immersing myself in financial misery. SOLUTIONS SOLUTIONS!

it's the immigration headache again

I had an unbelievably lousy morning to start with. Completely spoilt the rest of my day. Firstly, having to wake up at 7AM is no longer an acceptable thing considering the amount of rest I had for the last couple of weeks. Secondly, being grumbled at is not appeasing at all. Thirdly, not controlling my anger makes everything worse. What happened to my ability of active listening? I reckon I've thrown it out of the window a month back. Recent development of spontaneously immense angst really sucks. For me, I get swallowed by an overwhelming sense of guilt after throwing a (stupid) tantrum at my poor victim. Right away. Irritated --> Anger --> Guilt. Sigh. Is this what I have to through during my teenage hood? Is this like to test whether I will turn out to be a refined, wise and cool-headed adult?

Managed to cool off some steam with my beloved, who chivalrously opened his doors to me. Though we marginally missed McDonald's breakfast (5 minutes), which I have been craving for since forever, quick brunch was pretty satisfying! Unfortunately I have to continue my rush that began since the morning...

As for now, I'm beat. I'm really super sleepy. & hungry. I won't be surprised to see my weight being pulled up by at least 5kg by the end of this Summer. Ahhh demoralising! I shall call Gymbox as my therapist from October onwards. :D

It's actually time to get off work but I'm actually staying on. This is amazing. Normally I'll be getting off asap but I'm actually staying on to try and finish a new task that is due tomorrow. & blogging. New love for the office perhaps?

Alright one more research and I'm out of this place! Sleepybug is pulling me home.

inconvenience of an Indonesian passport

ICA rejected my application for visit pass extension. I was slapped with the result today morning and was feeling dejected ever since. I thought I would get their approval, even though the chance is getting slimmer as I have been applying for extension for the previous few stays in Singapore. As many times as my mom has been saying it, I'm to blame for overlooking this whole event and assuming that I'll get their approval. She didn't mention this, but it's really a big mistake that I didn't apply for PR while studying in Singapore. Or at least do more research than just (self) think and talk.

Nonetheless, no point brooding over this! Everything happens for a reason. Maybe a short break will be good to clear my mind off things :D

meilleure vie?

Those are the flash-cards for the different presentations that I had prepared.

I. AM. DONE. WITH. MY. FRENCH. ORAL! Whohoooooooo~ It feels like the Eiffel Tower is off my back. Even though I made so many mistakes and there are a couple that are unbelievably embarrassing to mention, I am still pretty glad that the unanticipated French oral is over. It's just ridiculous to memorise 4 scripts of jargon plus to recite it on demand. It was a major headache. I mean literally too. Nonetheless, I did my best considering the self-inflicted time constraint. & as always, I feel like I could have done better. Perhaps, start earlier, not panic and uhh-ed for >10 seconds at a go(yes I did that), handle the questions properly, ensure that my grammar is perfect, be more alert, list goes on.. but it's all too late oh dear me. & I really shouldn't feel that way because for 1, time is like a one way train and 2, it's not an exclusive line i.e. anyone could have said it... I just made a fool out of myself didn't I? (cold joke)

Anyway, guess what. For the presentation, I actually picked (by chance) Great Leap Forward! The presentation itself went alright. I was nervous and stumbled on my words while presenting. The general questions weren't too bad, horrible grammar but I managed the first 2 questions. The good thing was that I kind of expected the questions and randomly thought about it while I was showering. The last question was the worst. That was when I thought (evolved to panic) for so long that one of the examiners offered a helping word. The thing is, it's not really a helping word because I have no idea what it meant/ was. What a total joke! Anyway today my French teacher told me that she likes the structure of my presentation. I really hope it's an important component of how we're graded hehe. :D

Other than the French oral exam, there's really nothing much to mention. So far, there is less than 2 weeks to the major exams, >2 whole modules to study for and ~2kgs lost so far (according to the weighing machine at the gym). I started going to the gym and cooking again yesterday wheee! Ok, should really be devoting as much time as possible into academics. University examinations are so scary... especially after years of spoon-feeding.

Wish me luck! :)

vraiment? il a attendu pour moi?

Just a quick one before I start reading my stats... for real! (I never watch my stats lectures after I pronounce that I am going to do so)

1. Body aches from gymbox. Even though this week I only went for 3 classes. 49/month sigh...
2. SHOPPED YESTERDAY = got one cheap steal = satisfied!
3. Dress = expensive = broke.
4. Rachel and I are both looking for oxford boots/wedges. My interest in the latter has been peaking lately.
5. I want to try painting my nails red with gold tips... but CNY is over. Should I care?
6. The only thing I remember learning is during Wednesday's lecture. Err... wait I don't think I can remember what I learnt now. (right, it's absoption and marginal costing)
7. My memory is failing me really badly nowadays. To an extent that I forget to breathe sometimes. (wts?!!)
8. I'm scared.

:(

this took me half an hour

It's 20 minutes to 11pm and I've decided to use this time to post a quick update. Shaun went in for his BMT training yesterday. For those who doesn't know what BMT is, it's a NS basic training thing (can't be bothered to know what the abbreviation stand for grr..). In short the boyfriend has to serve the nation for 2 whole years. The BMT is about 9 weeks or so and he gets to come home on the weekends after the confinement period (is it the right term?). That is if everything goes smoothly. I suppose it wouldn't make a difference if he gets to come out a day earlier once I get used to it. & of course, that is if I were to be overseas since I can't touch/smell/taste him via the webcam.

The one day went by pretty ordinarily. I missed the first 2 slots of my timetable due to body aches after 40 minutes of pilates yesterday. Yes, I've started working out once more!! *cries out to the world in glee* I finally joined the gym (Gymbox) on Monday. It was a pleasant surprise when I was told that I am able to get a cheaper rate (corporate) since I'm a student of LSE. I totally love surprise discounts! So obviously I signed up on the spot. Gymbox is the gym that I've been lusting for since A levels just because of their marketing strategy i.e. how they call their classes e.g. Commando Training, Pilates Bootcamp, Look Better Naked... let's hope it's not just marketing strategy, you know what I mean? I really hate getting my feelings cheated! No surprise discounts will ever make up for my bruised soul.

Anyway, headed down to Gucci to send my bag for repairing and check if my sister's bag is ready for collection (sent it in for dry cleaning). Oh yes, guess what happened? The handle of my bag came off! Yea, I have been really jinxed with my possessions nowadays. I got it like about 2 months ago and only used it like 3-5 times maximum. Just imagine the horror I have to suffer when I felt one of the handles coming lose, slipping off my shoulder and seeing the dislodged handle swaying from one direction to another. As I try to recall it, the moment seemed like as if it was in slow motion. Total O_O

The guy told me that the servicing fee will be waived but it'll take about 4-6 weeks for it to be fixed. To think that he told me I can only collect my sister's bag in another 4 weeks... seriously guys?! Is my sister's bag having that great a time at Florence that it's not willing to come back? It'll really suck if I can't get my bag before I head back to Singapore, which is in about 6 weeks. LE SIGH.

Academics is going downhill (work is piling up hence academics can only go down the hill ahahahahhahahhahaa get it?!!), energy level is plummeting to a very low level and my dark circles are definitely increasing in circumference. ARGH, I NEED SOME COMFORT.

I miss mon petit ami so much!!

jan

Guy to girl with cancer: I can't lose you... I can't live without you and it's all your fault.

Have you ever tried to think of a perfect theory on how to live your life in the best way possible? Setting out rules like maths equations, this and this equate to that hence if one action is done along with this other action it will come to that result. It's not working for me. Most likely due to my inflexibility and a boundless mind.

The problem is I am so lost lately! In every single thing that I do and decision that I make. Sometimes I wish that everything is as straightforward as a ruler and as transparent as glass. Or maybe to live in Pandora, even though it will be a very native kind of lifestyle. & no shopping... but heck about that. I would want to fly on one of those flying creatures or connect my hair to the holy tree to hear the (wise) voices of the ancestors.

I'm having messy thoughts arghhh this is so annoying. My cup is too full ahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhhhaahhaah

-_-

What is wrong with me?

worst day ever

Today was such a horrible day. Primarily it's due to the fact that my bank application got postponed... again! Goodness, it has been months (and if you really want to talk about it in real terms, it's been years really) since I've been trying to open a bank account. Various reasons/ events will pop up before/ during my application and hence delaying the process. It's so mega difficult to open a bank account here if you are a first year, above 18, picky, doesn't have much knowledge about opening bank accounts and siblings who thinks that you're able to survive without a bank account. Ugrh, I really hate pushing blames to others but, really, I wish they were agreeable in doing me the favour of telling my parents that a bank account is necessary ever since A levels. It could have been super cheap and convenient if it were to be settled then. Oh God.

Someone please tell me: is it silly to get stressed over this issue? :(

Oh yea, adding on to my misfortune, I just ruined my 2nd piece of denim. Really, when will things be rocking my socks off again? (I take back that "again")

To think that I did a couple of small (good) deeds earlier on in the day.

continuation of unfortunate events

So. As mentioned, my luck hasn't turn for the better. Unfortunate event for yesterday was a pretty deep cut... on my middle finger. I was opening a can of mushrooms, was careless and accidentally brushed my middle finger against the sharp edge of the can. It happened so fast that I'm not sure myself how in the world did my finger land there as the motion of opening the can is actually away/ opposite direction. The action resulted in continuously bleeding for more than 3 hours (of course I applied pressure and attempted to stop the bleeding!). The cut runs through the cuticle, towards the stem of the finger. Hmm, yea that's a very lousy job in illustrating/describing my fatal wound.

Unfortunate event for today... I should stop thinking about my misfortunes. No, I don't mean that that is a unfortunate event but I just think that I should stop thinking about it. Live life to the fullest, you know. Be happy whenever you can... "don't worry be happy". I miss Singapore's old sitcoms. (random)

Anyway, week 1 of Lent is coming to an end. It's surprisingly quick, but I suppose it's because term just started and everything is going slowly once again. Just like how Michealmas started off. I wonder how this term will be like. Shaun's heading off for army in less than a month which means that I'll have plenty of time in hand (assuming everything else stays constant). Much less skype and texting... egawd. Scary much. (stop thinking, stop thinking, stop thinking...)

Urgh, Virgin broadband stink. The damn connection keeps on failing! WHY ARE THERE SO MANY INEFFICIENT PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY. For example, Council/Town Hall (seriously, my sister pays damn bluddy expensive tax for shit service) is so freaking slow and inefficient in merely producing a proof for my residence in this apartment. It has taken them more than a month and I still have got nothing from them. It shouldn't be a complicated task for them right? It's just a simple prove damnit. My blood is starting to boil. (lol)

Got to keep my cool. I shall make a move to my Cash Flow Statement now. (double urgh)

how many more bombs are coming my way?

Today's unfortunate event: correction fluid stain on my favourite jeans. Guess where? On the crotch. No joke. I am mega disappointed with my own carelessness and the loss of my favourite pair of jeans. It's like the perfect one for me! It hugs my thighs, legs and bum. It gives me the best support out of all the other jeans that I have. & I love its shade of denim. Omg. My heart is crumbling apart as I think about this. :(

Does anyone know how to remove correction fluid stain? It's like the worst stain you can get on denim! It's so persistent and it's white- against dark blue. I think I've scrubbed the area too hard that it becomes discoloured. Omg. I am in a mega despair. It's my favourite pair jeans!!! :'(

Le sigh.

fate is up to us to create

It's raining snowflakes outside!!! Egawd, the clouds are shaking off their dandruff down to the surface of the Earth. No doubt that it's a beautiful sight, especially at night. It's especially, excruciatingly cold too. My fingers are so stiff because of the cold that I cSnt tupe prierjkly,,, Joke, that's just for illustration.

Tomorrow should be quite an interesting day trotting across the white streets. Grocery shopping is in my morning agenda... at least for now it is. If I were to embark on the journey (assuming that I'll ever get out of hiding under the pretty thick and dense duvet), I'll definitely slap on layers of clothing and my boots (with "hairy" lining). I really hope the layers will keep me from freezing my skull off. *fingers crossed*

"What's meant to be is meant to be" -this phrase will be the cause of my misery soon.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh I'm posting so much jargon. I shall apply some body butter and head off to bed. Like now.

Imma show you something

Guess what.

CHECK IT OUT YOOZ (poser rapper in dA house)

You probably saw the next picture already. Sheesh. CAN'T YOU WAIT!

CHERRY RED! Not patent. 10 inches. Size sexxx

Some may be thinking that this is the one Boobs got, but I think it's not the same. His is authentic original while mine is original too but a more updated version. Well, they called it "material update".

I was thinking of getting the tall, patent Cherry Red, this one that I bought or the same one but in black. Patent Cherry ran out in size and the black 10 inch ones are so army-style! Besides, other brands are carrying boots of , well, the same inspiration, and most are in black. So, this one it is! :D

Never ever underestimate the effect of retail therapy. Even when you only bought a shoe and others may tell you that is not productive. Heck that because it's my very first Martens!!!!!!!!! Finally.

Not bad for a self-potrait right. (angle-wise)

Don't know when this elation is going to end. But it feels such a delight! :)

Monday comes and it shall be tights-shopping. I will be going for funky as in zebra prints, dots, light to baby blue... not sure if the last one listed will go with the Martens but hmm I do need more shoes and they may go with my new shoes! :)

Okay I'm starting to worry that I'll look really weird from now onwards.......

Update: wts the shoes that I have been eyeing at ran out of my size online!! Arghhhhh! Why must it happen to me all the freaking time. T_T

Last night, I've sinned. I told myself that I must read something educational but ended up watching 500 Days of Summer. But it was for a very good cause. I love the movie!! I'm actually thinking of buying the DVD. Shall get it in Singapore. :D

Time to repent and hit the books. Toodles you poodles!

3 more days to the end of M term

2nd day into week 10; Week 10 = END OF MICHAELMAS TERM. I've been waiting for you. Egawd, 3 more days left! That's Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. 3 semi-full days. Will I survive through the period? One thing for sure, time will tell. That's nonsense. Egawd, what am I saying. SEE WHAT 10 WEEKS IN LSE HAS DONE TO ME? It's driving me to the edge. It's making me lose more of my sanity. It's giving me headaches. Literally. :(

At this point, quite a number of LSE freshers are feeling discouraged/ depressed about the workload and results, disappointed about how LSE is like. Of course I am one of those people. Truth be told (or pardon me if I've repetitively said this), LSE is not how I've anticipated it. I mentioned once that it's very much like a normal university, which is pretty much true. For the past 7-8 weeks, I've been coming to university with an obligation. I didn't enjoy the thought of "it's a new day to learn new things". I dreaded when my alarm rings in the morning. Just because LSE has not been treating me well, or rather, not how I've expected it to. That was what I have in my mind all along for the past 7-8 weeks and 2 days.

Today, Prof. Alwyn (Economics lecturer) gave us his 2 cents before ending our last lecture for the term. I suppose he noticed that many of us aren't very satisfied with what we've been experiencing since term started. He told us that LSE is a school where the bar is raised for those who want to succeed. Students here are pushed to their limits. Those who consistently learn from their mistakes and adapt to the surrounding are those who are prone to succeed. Some pick it up fast, some slower and some may not even pick it up at all. Year 1s are normally those who suffered the most, but by Year 3, many will find the course much easier and manageable despite the fact that the level of difficulty is at a greater elevation. It's not about working hard (only- imo), but finding the right tactic and adapting well. By the end of the course, the certificate will tell the employers that hey, I (let's all assume) AM CAPABLE OF GOING THROUGH ALL THAT!The LSE branding means something. That's costly to fake.

His advice sounds pretty cliché as I had summarised it. Familiar, simple and logical. But how many lecturers actually do that? It was inspiring to have him encourage us in the very last week, when we are all feeling defeated from 10 weeks of timetable, quizzes and assignments. It feels different coming out from a lecturer. Somehow, this reminds me of the relationship between the commando and his battle troop. Like how inspiring speeches raises the troops' morale. Strategic, don't you think?

Speaking of troops, I was not spared from some spine-chilling stories from the army. Army as in the one most Singaporean boys (or men- you be the judge) have to go through once they are 18. From rumours to food to sightings. Imagine being strangled to death by an invisible figure in the middle of the night due to ba-kwa (pork) hidden in the locker! 11 pairs of eyes witnessing it as it happened. How can it not be traumatising?! Being amused upon seeing red cars after numerous weeks of basic training confined in site. How can that be not be deprived?! Oh, oh. How about this: NOT BEING ALLOWED TO BRING HANDPHONE CHARGER INTO CAMP!? "Love" put on the hot seat.

9.58PM. I'm out.

P.S. as always, abrupt exit.
P.P.S lol no, I did not get mugged! Silly person. :D

everything starts with a small thing?

I just wrote two long paragraphs about how horrible human beings are for reaping satisfaction over someone's sorrow. But apparently, I've deleted them off since there's no need to emphasise how imperfect (in my opinion) this society is. It's only going to make me a sadder being.

The past week hasn't been the best set of days I have. Everything is going wrong! It's really annoying when you're thinking that it'll get better the next day when it actually got even worse. Everyday. Have you felt that way before? From getting your locker broken in, stuff ransacked, your trust about LSE and London destroyed, feeling like you're relatively slower among everyone because you're not keeping up with work, exlusive (negative),... my mind, body and soul are all so down right now. Le sigh. Can I really wait for the holidays? Will it be better? I know that I'll definitely be feeling even more empty then, since so many people are heading back this December! :(

I shall not brood over that. I am listening to Lily's album (It's Not You, It's Me) now and came across one of the songs, Chinese. I reckon it's regarding LDR. Good tune, it's very gentle, lullaby-y! It has pretty nice lyrics too. "I don't want anything more than to see your face when you open the door" -agreed. Let your ears hear the song! (below)


Yea, yea I'm really slow! I have this habit (sometimes) of getting albums and putting them aside for some time before listening to them. Grr, I just have no time to listen to all of them even though I would love to! :(

Anyway, I'm getting some more albums as I'm typing this. Lily Allen's album is really good. WHY DID I KEEP SET IT ASIDE!! Good thing Chanel's website reminded me of it! I was initially attracted by 22 which was on their website (Lily Allen represented for the launch of Chanel Coco Cocoon back in October).

Ohgawd, it's 12.01AM now. I'd better run.

I don't like it

"Do you know what it’s like to give your whole self to a person, and your whole heart to boot, until you’ve got nothing left to give- and then realize that it still isn’t what they need?"
-Jodi Picoult

I saw that phrase on someone's page @ tumblr. It's sad isn't it. Having make all the sacrifices, all voluntarily and thinking that it'll keep what one have wholly to oneself. In the end, it only push the person of interest into someone else's arms. I think some calls it "trying to hard". No one to blame but oneself for being silly thinking that all decisions made were just and expecting the person to appreciate what was sacrificed.

Sometimes, I wonder if I were all happy and everything I'll be in a state of... outsider dependant. One thing for sure is that I'll be respecting myself more than the current.

Sigh. I rarely get what I want. The reality is ugly.

vaio baby is back ♥

Yey! I skipped down town in the afternoon to collect my laptop. About a week ago, it was sent to Sony Centre for some repairing to be done. The body was getting really hot and affecting the many other cards inside the body causing it to malfunction. Reminds me of a high fever really. The repairman called me up a few days ago and told me that the whole fan has to be replaced with a new one.

I found the pricing quite ridiculous. The whole cost come to about S$252; S$60 for assessment, S$120 for servicing (e.g. cleaning the body, screen and maybe repairman to dig his nose, touch my baby accidentally and perhaps wipe that area again) and the remaining for the new fan. Can you imagine, the cost of the vital part is less than 50% of the total cost! The service charge is seriously insanely expensive. I would be more satisfied if only they cleaned it fully i.e. deeper, not just the surface. The inside of the keyboard is still as dusty and the buttons are mildly sticky. I want more value to the $120 paid! I thought Singapore's economy very add-value one!?! WHAT IS THIS MAN!!! (just had the urge to do that)

Nonetheless, I'm glad my laptop is back in my arms. The body issn't as hot as it used to get... FOR NOW. We shall see. I'll cry a river in London if the high fever comes back. River Thames no.2 @ Chancery Lane, attraction to-be!

6 days left in Singapore. Hmm, Summer sucks this time round really with all the restrictions and curfews and so much more other things! I still have so many people to meet up... :(

I just remembered something I must blog about. Shaun and I were clearing the bill for dinner once at this Okonomiyaki restaurant at Orchard Central. While queueing up to pay what was incurred (wow so Accounting!), we saw this sunny side up replica on top of a fake okonomiyaki. Being weird asses, both of us actually raised our index fingers (coincidentally) and wanted to poke the bogus yolk. Then Shaun used his other hand and stopped me. He lowered his other hand. We had a conversation:

Me: Omg I want to poke it!!
Shaun: NO! There's a chick inside.
Me: WTS??!?!?!?! ROFL!!!!!!!

Haha, what a cute moment! Cheers my sad Summer up. :D

London weather is so nice compared to here

Singapore's so hot. The temperature and humidity level both must have absorbed most of my energy since I feel so much more tired than in UK. My eyes actually feels drier as well. Or rather, my lenses. Can you imagine, it's only the 2nd day of my biweekly! So not looking forward to the remaining 12 days. T_T

I know I haven't been updating much ever since I came back. It's like nearly 3 weeks? Oh no, that's really long... I shall update more since there's nothing much to do here. I can't shop much because I don't have enough cash, no cards and my mom's taste is starting to clash with mine. Probably due to the exposure to London's queer fashion sense. It's loud and... unisexual. And more modern as well. Think short, shapes and exposure. Even though I am not really into exposing too much of whatever little assets I have. I am still considered conservative! I am proud of that, yooooz~ :D

Since shopping is crossed out of my list (still has to drag my mom to get me more undergarments though), I've been trying to occupy myself with whatever I have. Oh yes, I have been trying to join my family for both lunch (or rather, brunch) and dinner since my dad is over here. It's quite a rare thing, hence I decided to put in more effort. It also means I have to spend more time at home, which is a total bummer. I have so little things to do. My supply of books are running out (in the middle of reading 2 books actually), super limited TV channels to browse, it's sooooooooooo hot... bummer. I totally miss London.

Graaaaah I have a sudden impulse to read the papers now. I feel like I need to be well-informed and updated on current issues. I am such a nerd. I guess I shall start tomorrow.

Hmm, I would actually consider today pretty interesing. For a start, the family went over to the family doctor for a medical check-up. My parents and sister were there to collect their results whilst my brother and I were there to surrender a portion our precious blood and urine to be scrutinized and experimented with. It was quite a new experience since we never did it as a whole family before.

The family doctor was kind of weird. We all realised that he favours my brother. It's so obvious since he specially addresses him by his name and with a hint of enthusiasm while the remaining us 4 were just greeted with an ordinary "hello". When he was checking my brother's testicles, I actually heard him asking my brother "are you lonely?". Wow, that sure sent my eyeballs popping out of the socket. I felt quite worried for him at that point of time but realised my brother is a young adult and the whole family is in the same room. Plus, we know that old guy for quite a decade. He couldn't have done anything indecent. It was defintely a poor subject to talk about. Reminds me of one of Friends episode when Ross was caught staring at his beautiful cousin (acted by Denise Richards). He was trying to get out of the long awkward silence (obviously panicking then) and ended up saying "I haven't had sex for a VERY long time".

Unfortunate that I had to leave early for my lunch appointment... who knows what else the doctor might have said. ;)

Lunch consisted of a lot of dim sum. It was very nice though! The rest of the day was spent visiting some places. It was more interesting than yesterday (slept the whole afternoon) but more tiring. Graaah, hormones kicked in at the end of the day. Spoilt everything. I came home moody and felt like crap. I really hope my period will come soon.

I think it's time for me to update my profile. Spring is already over and I am in Singapore waiting for my results. I feel the tension, anxiety, nervousness... August 14th is going to be the day.

A few pictures to end off since I haven't uploaded any in ages.

Act ko0l picture. This was after STOMP in London. We were waiting to be seated at the okonomiyaki place (Abeno Too- very nice!) but they decided to head over to Croydon instead... -_-

Got robbed in broad daylight (18 or 20 freaking £s) by getting the henna while in Brighton. The wings were disproportionate too. I had to scrub it off real hard a few days later because my dad would have a fit if he were to see it. Luckily for me, it came off really easily. Easier than the high class henna definitely! :D

Last day in London before flying off. We (Shaun, Nick and I) had a tiny karaoke session with Jessica, Boobs, Ashley, Felicia and Lihxuan. I was higggggggh~ :D

Sigh, London~~~

procrastination is going to bring me to doom

Studying shall effectively start at 2pm, without fail. *crosses fingers* T_T

This is terrrrrible. Today morning when I woke up, I was so determined to read only education related articles. Less than an hour later I found myself cosily sitting down on the sofa, in front of the tv and watching the outcome of Beauty and the Geek (final episode!!). Less than another hour later, I found myseld on my work chair looking into the screen with a window open labelled as "Blogger: hey, you;". Less than a three weeks later, I will be sitting in the hall, staring at my exam paper (Biology, Economics or Accounting) with cold sweat all over my forehead because I predict that by then I will still be as clueless on my A2 sylabus as the current me. Doomed, am I not? Oh wait I know that answer: yes, I so totally am.

It's so difficult to get myself get down to work and start revising for my A freaking levels because... I don't know why. I guess I am escaping from the fact that I am not ready now and don't want to be ready because I assume that I do not have any time left for revision. Damnit! It's so ironic when I have so much time to waste doing nonsense as explained above but not a second on revision. I am such a child. Oh well.

Anyway this sweet (not so) child will be going for the Summer Ball this coming Saturday! Actually, I am not quite ready for the event. I still haven't got a few things sorted. Shall dedicate my Tuesday afternoon to settle the things and hopefully it will be done by then. After the Ball will be a week of no exams (Easter break for state schools- my college isn't a state school) followed by a week crammed with nothing but exams. I have... 8 papers to sit for then, none of which I have prepared for. Pray for me, people! :( (Mila I need you help in this again!!)

Alright, 10 more minutes until the scheduled study time. I'm going to scoot for now. All the best to you fellows who's mugging as well! :D

NOTE: I lost my phone which have all the numbers in it. I would be especially grateful if you would kindly text me to my UK number (+44...5162) OR Singapore (+65...5031) number OR both, stating your name and if you want, number as well (this will be shown automatically when you text me though). I am still using the same number(s).

Take it out of me

Your eyes are capable of seeing deeper than what I thought.

People get influenced unconsciously. Me, you, you, me, some, all, those, one. It's one of the hints of being involved in something we are not supposed to be part of. We try to deny it upon realisation, throw the skeleton into the closet and hide the closet somewhere no one knows. Maybe, it will come to light someday when it's appropriate, when it is not politically sinful. Initially we thought it was a game, which might have backfired. We've lost our piece(s) while they might have just found theirs, or maybe for real.

When I put the small bits together, my soul screams so loud and gets sucked out. I need... something that I know I can never get.

Now, I understand why they feel/felt that way. There's no escape because it'll be around until apt actions are implemented.

Heed my advice, shut your eyes and erase whatever you have read at this instant. Breathe not a word, make neither worries, frown nor brows. The skeleton is not ready for all of you and me. of existance we do not know

I will be more than happy to be called irrational if that's the truth.

I miss you

This guy here is my brother.

His name is Ekky.

Just came back from Heathrow after sending my brother off to Singapore. It's quite weird how I started feeling lonely when I stepped into the empty apartment. Usually my brother would be there, in his room, sitting in front of his laptop. Even such a sight (which seemed to be mundane/ordinary then) is more welcoming suddenly after comparing to the current missing figure. When I was on the way to Heathrow just now I was actually thinking I won't be missing him because I should be used to this kind of things (yea, I grew up sending people off to the airport hahaha). But no, I proved myself wrong 10 minutes ago. The feeling starts crawling in bit by bit. It's quite immense right now. :(

I don't know why I am feeling this way. I felt what I thought I wouldn't be feeling and didn't feel what I thought I would be feeling. Maybe I am going through this now because I came home alone and the house is empty. Maybe it's because I know that he's going back to Singapore for good. Or maybe because so many people left London for Singapore, Italy, Oxford, etc. Maybe because he's my brother. Or... maybe baby. ;)

There are some perks to his departure though. I get the keys (it wouldn't be a problem anymore if I came home when he's having his nap -always happens- He always scolds me if that happens), I get his desk, his book shelf, his room basically. I had to share a room with my sister before and the kitchen was my workplace. Oh yea, not to forget! He won't be here to shower me with "fuck"s every now and then. I might actually miss that habit of his by a teeny weeny bit, but it gets really annoying when he does it right in your face. Everytime.

Nevertheless...

I miss you! Even though it's quite likely that you won't be reading this since I never mentioned my blog before to any of my family members. :)

I hope he's enjoying his trip back. I want to be in Singapore now as well :( (omg, I am finally craving to go back wts)