worst day ever

Today was such a horrible day. Primarily it's due to the fact that my bank application got postponed... again! Goodness, it has been months (and if you really want to talk about it in real terms, it's been years really) since I've been trying to open a bank account. Various reasons/ events will pop up before/ during my application and hence delaying the process. It's so mega difficult to open a bank account here if you are a first year, above 18, picky, doesn't have much knowledge about opening bank accounts and siblings who thinks that you're able to survive without a bank account. Ugrh, I really hate pushing blames to others but, really, I wish they were agreeable in doing me the favour of telling my parents that a bank account is necessary ever since A levels. It could have been super cheap and convenient if it were to be settled then. Oh God.

Someone please tell me: is it silly to get stressed over this issue? :(

Oh yea, adding on to my misfortune, I just ruined my 2nd piece of denim. Really, when will things be rocking my socks off again? (I take back that "again")

To think that I did a couple of small (good) deeds earlier on in the day.

how many more bombs are coming my way?

Today's unfortunate event: correction fluid stain on my favourite jeans. Guess where? On the crotch. No joke. I am mega disappointed with my own carelessness and the loss of my favourite pair of jeans. It's like the perfect one for me! It hugs my thighs, legs and bum. It gives me the best support out of all the other jeans that I have. & I love its shade of denim. Omg. My heart is crumbling apart as I think about this. :(

Does anyone know how to remove correction fluid stain? It's like the worst stain you can get on denim! It's so persistent and it's white- against dark blue. I think I've scrubbed the area too hard that it becomes discoloured. Omg. I am in a mega despair. It's my favourite pair jeans!!! :'(

Le sigh.

I feel like bingeing

It feels like I haven't blogged for a month. Gosh, time is passing by so slowly! :(

Recently, I find that LSE is not as awesome as what I thought it would be. Or rather, my expectations are actually irrelevant to the reality that I am facing now. I feel like I have been cheated by all the branding, marketing and all those tactics. LSE is actually a regular London university: lectures, classes and socialising activities. At this point, I would say that what sets it apart is the number of workshops they organise, the history and diversity of the student body. This list should build up in time to come... I hope. Ahhh, it'll be great if I live in halls for 1st year! I feel really bitter to think about the number of events I've been missing out on due to agreements that I've made (and being "considerate"- sigh).

Grr I can't believe I am actually complaining about the university which I have been dreaming of since Secondary 3/4? This sucks! Where has the optimism (the few drops of it) gone to? :(

French is probably the highlight so far. Yes, I am taking french as part of my course. However, I may be switching to full modules of maths and stats (read GEEK x3 and DOOM xinfinity) before 30th October/sooner. Sigh, stepping into university has forced me to start planning on my future path. The modules that I will be taking on my first year will affect the ones I will be taking on the subsequent years. & one of the methods which I use to decide which modules to take is to consider the modules that I may want to take in the future. Confusing? Oh well, the thing is I can't really seek advice from anyone since this is MY future and I have to plan for MY OWN future. (the advice that I've got so far are very neutral except a few anyway) & the more advice I seek, the more confused/ undivided I get.

Ahh.. I think this is the reason why I feel old and I dread being old. At last! Some light as to why I'm feeling so listless. The wonders of blogging. :)
dont worry b, told u so :)
Let's get back to the topic. Yes, French. The language makes me feel so vulnerable and weak, like a complete beginner (which I obviously am). It's been really long since I've picked up something entirely new. It makes me feel quite alive, learning something from scratch albeit the pace we are doing it. I just hate it when we learn complicated things before knowing the basics well. For example, today we were thrown a whole paragraph of introduction (where I study, which degree and why) and our homework was to memorize how to write it and how to say it! Arghhh but oh well, I guess that can't be helped. :/

It's currently 2 weeks into term (we call it Michaelmas Term here- how cool is that! One of the pleasures I get at LSE) and I've a lot of catching up to do. Seriously, a lot! Sigh. I haven't even gotten my textbook. Except for one, which is borrowed from the library. It's pretty gross because there's dried up liquid marks at the lower 1/3 of the book... with yellow edges. Think chromatography and the end point? Arghhh I'm spreading my stupidity and confusion around aren't I!! (Geez, I am actually talking in my blog post wts T_T)

Okay, this is getting to nowhere. I'm out!

in the 8 days

I've got quite a few updates here!

First one I'm going to talk about is my A Level results. Yes, it's released on the 20th; 5 days ago. Omg, it was such a nerve-wrecking moment. Never in my life have I felt so scared before! Counting down to the moment of release didn't help to ease my anxiety. I don't usually do countdowns as such but this year is just weird. I think it's because so many of my peers were doing it. Peer pressure, you know. I'm surprisingly prone to that.

My results were neither satisfactory nor a disappointment. I managed to get double A & B (AABB), which is kind of expected because of the effort invested in the exams (guilty for that, really). Nonetheless, I managed to get my ass in LSE!!! Wow, it's quite an achievement I would say. It's a dream, or not. I'm worrying about how life would be like in there. I have heard things of how cold the lecturers are, no or little young/hunky/at least non-balding lecturers, how brand-concious the students are, at least a 5000 word essay per week, WILL I GRADUATE?!!?!?, among other things. I seriously think there will not be a moment in my life when I don't worry for single thing. Sighzxz!

2nd update: I've chopped off my mane. Oops, I meant hair. It's not much different. It actually makes me look more like a kid. The haircut was pretty pricey for the kind of cut I got. It's not classy, different, cool, flattering, attractive... not anything that would make you think "wow, that's a 50$ haircut" but more of "hmm, it's a 20$ hair cut". In short, I'm not satisfied by my hair. I'll let you be the judge:

BEFORE

AFTER

I am thinking of getting another haircut in the UK if it grows long and look worst. Might as well try the stylists there since my hairstyle is horrendous then.

broke my record :(

:'(

So, so many unlucky things happened today. Booooo :( One of them includes getting myself a bloody wound on my right knee which hurts like @#%$ a while ago. Let me try and cover some of the things that happened: (trying to go in order, from morning onwards)

1. Woke up feeling a bit heaty, especially on the lips... it was expelling a lot of heat. I think I am falling sick :(
2. Nearly slipped while I was walking towards the Park Hill direction. Wore the wrong shoes?
   
3. Maths class was @#%-ing boring. I was desperately wanting to fall asleep but I knew I mustn't because... because I love maths! (y) No la, it's because obviously Mrs Eyers is going to be upset with me and I do not want that to happen since my mission in life is to make her happy! (she told us that in the first lesson) Anyway I tried really hard to keep myself awake by pinching my arm more than 5 times... ouch, shouldn't have done that.
4. After Maths I felt like a zombie. Dead tired. Hence, my Economics test period was screwed although it was an easy one.
5. Got even more zombie-fied.
6. I wanted to skip Biology class which is on the last 2 periods and it's supposed to end at 5PM. If I do that then I will be able to go home at 1PM. But I didn't.
7. So I went for Biology. I didn't absorb anything at all because I was a zombie and interacting with Naz on a piece of paper was more interesting than listening to Dr Sherratt, who was not in a good mood. No one likes it when she's in that state. We got held back by 10 minutes because we couldn't give her good responses during class.
8. Went home straight after school, and walked like a zombie. I decided to take a short cut since I was feeling lazy. I had to walk down quite a steep slope and it was covered with moss. Guess what? YES, I FELL DOWN. Or rather, slipped and knelt. Ouch, shouldn't have taken that route.
9. At the busstop, I decided to check on my knees by patting them and it felt wet. Guess what again? MY RIGHT KNEE WAS BLEEDING (it still is now). I couldn't see whether it was an open wound because I was wearing thick black stockings. :(
10. I felt miserable while walking (or rather, wobbling) home. :( :( :(

Terrible, terrible. I never fell down for really long and now, an ugly wound on my knee. I don't want a scar... it's really demoralising because my knee is unsightly and my birthday is coming (in less than a week's time- HINT HINT). & it's painful! I hate how the wound sizzles with pain after it gets into contact with water. Wts, this is mental torture.

But you know, since I am a Buddhist, I should start thinking of the yin and yang of the situation:

1. My lips looked red and sexy! :D
2. I didn't slip earlier on, and the shoes matches my outfit. I like the sound it makes as well. :)
   
3. When I am sleepy, I find that I am more responsive. Yea, I responded to most of Mrs Eyer's questions today wheeeeeee! :D
4. Mistakes made during the test period is better than making them on the real exam day.
5. I didn't make too much noise and was considerate for the people who were having classes.
6. I wasn't marked absent for Biology.
7. I cleared some of the doubts that I had since the previous lesson.
8. No one that I didn't want to see me falling was there. Imagine the embarrasment that I could have suffered! (Yes, Shaun thank goodness you didn't walk me to East Croydon station)
9. Thank goodness once more that I was wearing black stockings and it didn't tear or else it would have been so disgusting baring my bloody wound to the world.
10. MY SISTER COOKED FRIED RICE INDONESIAN STYLE WHOOHOOO! It's spicy. :D

Yea, that made me feel much better now. Oh, and I guess my wound also gave me the chance to finally use my Mr. Happy plasters!

Haha, okayyy maybe it's not that bloody afterall~

thirsty for inspiration

Thank goodness for the snow storm because college has to be closed until the transport system is working properly once more. Can you imagine... 3 days without school because of the snow, oh glee! Got a couple of days to sleep up till noon (dark circles and eye bags are still untouched, nonetheless) and settled some stuff which I have been procrastinating about like filing up my notes, register with the Indonesian Embassy and renew my passport. Oh, and yes, of course there's the homework bit as well. I finished my Maths M1 homework!!! :D

My new passport photo was a considerable improvement from the previous one. The change is not very commendable though because I look like some bitchy snobbish blah: my eyebrows gave the impression that one side is higher than the other and my pursed lips looked like it's slanting to one side. Like, wts. My hair is horrible, messy, bodyless. Oh my God. I am still quite discombobulated as to why I didn't request for a retake after taking a glance of the picture. But really, it looked more dodgy-like when it's actually printed. Sigh, should really have asked for a retake. What's worse is that this passport is going to be valid for the next three years. ARRRGGHHH IMAGINE THE HORRORS OF THE IMMIGRATION OFFICERS SUSPECTING THAT I AM SOME ILLEGAL PERSON OR SOMETHING! :'(

I had quite a journey on Monday, which brought about a lot of trouble for me on the following day. Seriously, yesterday was a really fucked up day. Hence the suicidal (as described by someone) post. But I am fine now, I think. It made me reflect on a lot of things, which adds on quite bit of fear and uncertainty to whatever I have in my mind. A short conversation with Mila helped me to develop a bit of confidence and strength though! Sigh~ it's nice to hear from her apart from texting. :)

Anyway, I am thinking of changing my blogskin for real. I think I am going to go for something bright this time round. Reason being: Spring's coming! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~ Sunny days, green green grass, brightly colored flowers, fluffy clouds, exuberant spirits... all the Spring awesomeness! Hmm, or will it be the same/ as expected this year? We'll see.

it's never nice to lose something

I. It's about that (above), right now.
Is it bad to be selfish?
So far, Biology and Accounts paper are completed. I am left with C4 of Maths and Unit 4 of Economics, which are challenging like I've never been challenged before. I am worried for the papers that I sat for. Both papers which I sat for on Friday weren't finished 100%. I did attempt all of the questions though, I think. Thinking back on how I did them makes me cringe, seriously. I am scared because I didn't prepare myself well before sitting for the papers, hence it's pretty screwed up. Time management and procrastination problems will always be a part of me, bugging me constantly. This is terrible.

I feel like eating bread and butter

Where is my reference? When is my UCAS going to be sent in? WILL THE UNIVERSITIES GIVE ME OFFERS? I feel so stressed, sigh. :(

(caution: the following paragraph is even more boring than my usual posts)

I was a bit productive today. I finished the 2 questions of maths which I left out on Friday because I couldn't finish the whole exercise on time and copying is bad. Mrs Eyers is probably going to be very unhappy about it, but I can't do much now can I? My plan is to go to school really early tomorrow and place it on her table. Hopefully she will mark it and not scream at me on Wednesday. I also have Biology graph to give in tomorrow. Another deadline missed. T1 write up was due on Thursday 2PM latest but I didn't know that she set the deadline to that time. So I dilly-dallied and happily thought that I could print it out after Maths class which ends at 3.15PM. By the time I printed it out, my friends told me about the deadline and I was dead. What's worse is that I forgot to attach my graph to the report. So my report is just like a comprehension without the passage. & what's even more worse is I have to meet her tomorrow at 11.35 AM to discuss about the report. I am dead beyond dead. Sigh, the more I have to wake up early to hand in my overdue assignments. :(

Shopping yesterday was awesomeee! Though I overspent, it was quite worth it. I finally bought a coat from Topshop albeit not quite the thickness that I was looking for. French Connection is a ♥, as usual. I got myself a life-changing piece of clothing (guess) which I will probably wear lesser than the number of times I donate to road side hobos. It's rather puffy and enlarges the size of my butt, which is good in a way. My butt is like getting smaller day by day. I think it's because I am using the wrong muscle when I walk. Naz mentioned before that my butt is very bony. Sad, isn't it? I am not having the bumps at the correct places. Oh well, life is so unfair.

It's so cold now, a bit of wind got through the window which is right next to me. I can hear it howling outside. Oh well, no point being observant about this since it's the time for me to kill my craving (by going for it of course)! :D

I can't believe I did that and you said that

Today was so cold and gloomy. I don't think I am liking Autumn, it's not quite what I expected. The image that I always had of Autumn is that the trees are shedding their reddish/ orangish yellow leaves, covering the ground with it and they crackle the moment when you step on them. The sky is blue and the Sun shines radiantly, showering its glory on the surface of the earth. Hmm, sounds a bit like Spring... I think I mixed it up along the way. Blame it on Autumn In My Heart. It was potrayed like that in the drama!

Even though I am quite sad that I am not experiencing my fantasy Autumn, London is still quite a darling (I hope I didn't jinx it). Sure, it is a dangerous place, the things here are more expensive (except for some items like Amanda's M&S, luxury goods) and Boris Johnson seriously need to do some work on London Underground because the air down there is FREAKING FILTHY... but I guess the charm sort of make you fall in love with it in some weird way. I am not very sure why I like it here. Maybe it's the high street/ buildings/ simple things like the feeling you get when you are drinking coffee at Starbucks. Oh, the weather here is definitely one of the reasons why I would pick London over Singapore. Sigh, if only I could stay in UK for university... :(

Okay, enough said about weather & emo stuff. Classes lately has been quite dreadful. I have been getting the sleepy spell and I think I did the nod-head thing (when you are about to enter dreamland but still fighting to keep yourself awake) during Biology today. It was so boring! Or maybe it's quite interesting but I just wasn't able to keep myself awake. I remember the last time I did that was during Accounting class last term and Ashley saw it. He said Mrs Lau looked at how ridiculous I was nodding my head in such a manner, shook her head and frowned. I was so freaking embarrassed when he told me that! I hope she forgot about the incident. Heh! :D

I am going to try to catch up on my sleep this weekend since I am not going for paintball with the lot(phew). 6 hours of sleep in exchange for 9 hours of fun, hmm it's debatable on whether it's worth it or not. But I think I am more desperate for extra sleep, so I guess it IS worth it. Haaha~ I hope it'll be a successful try! :D

Alrightyyy, this is quite a long post. I am going back to tackle my Accounts. I have a test period tomorrow and I don't even know what in the world is going on. Oh, I got 67% for last week's test period. The lowest I've scored for Accounting. Omg, this week is like a record breaking week for lowest test period scores! What a sucky week. :(
grr
P.S: My sister was the one who was crazy over the drama. I only watched the episode when Autumn was potrayed as Spring.

We learn a lot of things everyday, every hour, if possible, every minute and second.

D Block, outside computer lab around the staircase area.
Me: *sees Shaun making his way to the library* SHAAAAAAAAUN!!
Shaun: Hey! Why are you so happy today?
Me: Is it? *grin, grin and triple grin*

Okay, that last action was just an exaggeration. I didn't grin that much, I just smiled at him. Haha~ I actually didn't realise that I was feeling happy until he asked me. Then it hit me. I realise that what I feel isn't a forced emotion but... (oh no) maybe a slight attraction? I really hope it wouldn't go any further though. Not that it's even possible, but it will be a difficult situation. is that what I really want?

Anyway, I was really happy today until a few people have to be wet blankets. Sigggh, rbnd ah rbnd, why did you and her do that to me today? I don't get what you 2 are trying to do. Or, she.

Oh, I have been getting myself in embarrassing situations for 2 days straight already. What's wrong with me lately? :|

&! IF I LOOK AT ANYONE OF YOU AND SMILE AND LOOK DOWN LIKE ALMOST IMMEDIATELY, IT IS HIGHLY LIKELY FOR IT TO BE ACCIDENTAL. No meaning behind it.
(like as if he'll read this, sheesh -_-)

Inggrid, you are so weird

My plan to study either one of my 4 subjects(Economics, Biology, Accounts and Maths; in order of which to study first) was a complete failure. De-credit to laptop and WLAN, not forgetting my super pathetic self-discipline. Oh well! But since Mila is online, at this very minute which is rather unearthly for her back in Singapore, I shall excuse myself. Heheh~ so much to catch up with each other but we have no idea where to start. Nevertheless, it's still good to be able to meet each other on MSN since I miss her like very ultra super much! :D

School wasn't much of a thrill lately, well it never really was anyway, but I am still hoping that that one day will come, when I will feel very excited to come to school and wake up voluntarily without the irritating disturbance of my handphone alarm. I doubt it's going to happen any time soon because of the crappy situation that I am in(IELTS screwed, xxxx and seeing yyyy with ???????). Boohoo, whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhymustitbeher.

Am I really that hopeless? D:

Eyecandies & crushes aside, school is still a... sad land. Like, today's Economics test was horrible. Last question was completely based on my non-existent luck. I didn't even read the choices(it was MCQ) and picked "B". After the test period, Serene told me that her answer is "E". Assuming her answer is the right one(most likely), there goes my 1 mark for wrong answer + 3 marks for absence of explanation + another 3 marks for screwed up explanation + 1 mark for wrong answer again + 1234567890 million billion zillion marks. Argh, I am frustrated with myself!

I want to be the subtle kind too!

Alright, I am going to retreat to the bathroom and get a nice warm shower as Mila have her MacDonald's pancakes. Yummmm, butter and maple syrup. Sounds very very very tempting indeed.

Gradual change in emotion

I can see my weekends coming! I can even smell it! YEY FOR WEEKENDS! :D

Thinking of the weekends makes me excited because I don't have to wake up at 7AM for 2 days straight. Extra rest = more endorphin for me! That is because I've been itching to go shopping for this week but I am too tired to do so from all the travelling between London and East Croydon. Hence, with more energy from the extra hours of sleep, I'll be able to do it on this weekends! YEY! Oh, not to forget that I'll have more time to finish up my already-piling homework. Bummer for them. :(

Ok, away from the happy stuff. I made a terrible, horrendous, apocalyptic, appalling, atrocious, awful, brutal, calamitous, cataclysmal, dire, disastrous, disturbing, dreadful, excessive, extreme, fearful, formidable, frightening, frightful, ghastly, grewsome, grim, grisly, gruesome, harrowing, hideous, horrible, horrific, horrifying, immoderate, intense, nefarious, painful, redoubtable, revolting, severe, shocking, tough, tragic, ugly, unfortunate, unpleasant, upsetting, vicious discovery yesterday! Oh my God. My IELTS speaking test clashed with College Photo Day. Can you imagine how (insert the same list of adjectives as above) is that?! I am very very very disappointed. Very, very. :( :(

I feel like spamming infinite "i don't know"s here. But I shan't do that.

I feel like what I wore today reflects what I feel inside.

I feel like... something I shouldn't be feeling.

Why is it coming back when it's supposed to be gone? because I'm seeing you for 5 days in a week.

Out, & emo.

Come back soon for my thoughts on a few pictures on the 1st Day.