druut

Stuck between 2 extremities. Either I'm blind, stupid or there issn't a democratic point where everyone will be happy.

Submitted my very first cheque back to senior is exchange for cash. My sentimental self feels like I've betrayed myself. My very first cheque!! But then again, it's allowance not salary or anything... I shouldn't feel bad right?

go far out

I'm always coming back here with the desire to post something but once I look at the white screen, I go, "hmm, what should I talk about?"

Does this ever happen to you? Maybe it's just this thing between me and seeing a sheet of white sprawled in front me. You know... that.

It's raining now. Oh, what a great weather to stay indoors and hide under the duvet. I love staying indoors, where it's dry and warm, when it's wet and cold outside. Play some Jazz or Classical in the background to keep me company (and classy) or even cook something up. I get this sense of tranquillity inside me whenever I bake while it is raining. Something like a silent joy? I just love how it feels. Calm & carefree. Something subtle. Like someone's hugging you from the back with a duvet. (??!!?)

This kind of weather makes me think of life. Yes, corny thought. Laugh, sneer, stare, glare at that, whatever, do what you like, I can't see you. For today, I thought about how people always say that getting a grip of yourself after having suffered a failure is the most important thing to get over it. Then I thought about how much effort is needed to pick up the pieces, mend it or even, just leave it there and move on. I thought about how the past is capable in catching up with the future, haunting the current and putting one into dismay once more. Then I thought about how another person can help to catalyse the process of getting over something; the strength that companionship gives to one. & then the corrosion and maybe extinction of long-term companionship in the modern world. Or is it just the same across generations? Has information actually allow people to be flexible in this sense too?

Anyway, I shouldn't be indulging in such thoughts (bad distractions). One thing that I would love to do now is... have a tv dinner with a nice company. :)

regretting?

She said it. She said it. Of all people who could have said it, she said it. She, the person who is related by blood and have witnessed a lot. It registered and matched my intuition. It's slowly creeping out.......... freaky.

Life, oh life, how unpredictable can you get!

I'm too sleepy to think straight

One plans. Nothing ever goes to plan. One gets dejected but moves on with life.

to be or not to be

My 6 months worth of effort to get a fair skin-tone got wiped out within 3 days of being in Singapore. How sad can it be? C'est très triste. :'(

1st 2 days I spent it with Shaun, Monday I tried to get over my jetlag and today was pretty eventful. I met up with Raaaaachel for MOS (!!) and spent an atrocious amount of d'argent on maquillage which is something I'd never expect myself to do. I blame Watsons to carry quite an attractive range of beauty products. They are too joli to reject and I'm deprived of Asian products!! High tea with Auntie Pat and her bestie at Equinox followed suit. I love love love the view and freedom of making tea ourselves! It comes in pretty teapots too. Pity that I didn't take any shots of l'endroit.

I'm a boring person. I'm out.

p.s. italics are french words. Guilty guilty guilty

this is just how I am when I'm happy

hehehahahihihohohuhuhuhuhuhuhahahahahhaahhahahahahehehehehehe

*cart wheels* hehehehehehhahahahihihiahahahoohhohohuhuhu

not breaking things down, not looking too far into the future but merely imagining the (im)possible joy... and of course, having fun in the current.

paper planes, paper planes :)

red is a very sexy colour

My turn is not up yet but for now I am happy ehehehehehehee as happy as a little bird/ bee/ cucumber... too happy that I've mixed up my similes ehehehehehehhehehehehe!

Ahh~ today went by just like a hurricane. I'm feeling pooped and academically unaccomplished but satisfied. :)

Shall repent by watching stats lectures!! :D :D :D

il a attendu pour moi

I'm loving the sunshine oooh uhoh ohhh! (I loved the brightness of the day today! It would have been awesome if it was not as cold though)

Inspiration struck me last night but, unfortunately, it didn't leave a strong imprint. It got washed away just like how mild feelings always end up... it's not that I didn't want to immortalize the thought, fate gave me an unexpected headache which sent me right under my blanket. My health is under question now, along with 2 other important issues.

It's week 5: I'm halfway through the term. I dare not declare I'm glad that the past 5 weeks has gone by but I'll definitely admit that Easter break is now 5 weeks away! Oh yes baby!! :) :)

Shaun's been inside for exactly a week and we barely contacted one another due to his hectic schedule. It feels weird to be in this situation because I was so used to seeing and talking to him nearly everyday (via skype). In fact, we haven't spoken in the past 2 days and exchanged about 2 texts only. It feels like we've lost contact for a month.. he'll be coming out tomorrow for CNY which means a long weekend! My heart is growing waaaaaaaaay too fonder already.

I've been trying to fill the empty gaps with random things e.g. naps, MSN but just not Gymbox which I really want to but I just can't due to various reasons. Urgh, I'll really have to maximise the utilities there because I've paid for it! AND it's so pricey. 12 month membership omg my money outflow is too big already arghhhhhhhhh... *cries* I. Must. Go. Gymbox!

Alright back to paving my way through the pile of assignments... it's a common sign of mid-term. Not forgetting the much dreaded dark circles, being zombie-fied and insomnia (at least for me).

I'm finding the light in my room especially glaring today. Hmm.

reality?

Come to think of it, you said (something like): can you even promise, for a 100%, that you won't cheat?

boom boom pow

jan

Guy to girl with cancer: I can't lose you... I can't live without you and it's all your fault.

Have you ever tried to think of a perfect theory on how to live your life in the best way possible? Setting out rules like maths equations, this and this equate to that hence if one action is done along with this other action it will come to that result. It's not working for me. Most likely due to my inflexibility and a boundless mind.

The problem is I am so lost lately! In every single thing that I do and decision that I make. Sometimes I wish that everything is as straightforward as a ruler and as transparent as glass. Or maybe to live in Pandora, even though it will be a very native kind of lifestyle. & no shopping... but heck about that. I would want to fly on one of those flying creatures or connect my hair to the holy tree to hear the (wise) voices of the ancestors.

I'm having messy thoughts arghhh this is so annoying. My cup is too full ahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhhhaahhaah

-_-

What is wrong with me?

when you open both eyes

argh

Let me add on to my previous version of this post, which merely says that one expression up there. I signed on with Natwest for a Student Current Account on Thursday. I really hope the application will go smoothly and I'll be able to collect my debit card successfully on this coming Thursday/Friday. I'm sick of getting my hopes up and then get mega disappointed in this bank account application thing, so I'm not going to fall right into that trap once more. :)

Internet is starting to get cranky again. I was streaming my Stats lecture and it decided to fail on me! It can't load anymore. Grr. Now I'm stuck in doing my stats homework. I feel so useless.

My world has been rotating in the wrong direction. I wonder why. I wanna scream, then I wanna scream and finally I wanna sleep.

--

You know what. Screw all that. Screw the stats lecture streaming thing, I'm going think out of the box. Screw the snail speed internet, I'm going to stop using it for now and not get pissed off. Screw everything that's going wrong, I'm going to sleep after settling my stats homework and continue hoping that things will be better tomorrow. (or work on it)

:D

the end of winter break

Term is starting t-o-m-o-r-r-o-w. I initially typed an "!" after the "w" but I backspaced and decided to replace it with "." instead. More appropriate don't you think?

Why must the (mini) bombshell be dropped on me today. :(

I'm waiting for my painted nails to dry now. It's nice to have something new and interesting for the start of the new term! Speaking of which, Dr Martens will be out for a walk tomorrow!!! Omg, this is going to be so weird. I hope first day walking on Martens wouldn't be too bouncy and most importantly, weird. I always feel like I'm bouncing instead of walking whenever I'm wearing Martens. But arghhhhhh I have no idea what kind of outfit I should wear it with tomorrow. I'm thinking of jeans hmm........

Either my internet or my wireless card is screwing up. My baby vaio is dying. WHY. WHY MUST THIS HAPPEN TO ME NOW!! :'(

Shall post this before it's disconnected once more.

Till my internet is working fine once more, toodles poodles!

oh no now you're in it too

I thought these should be kept... for some reason.

You were supposed the one who saves me.

I don't like it

"Do you know what it’s like to give your whole self to a person, and your whole heart to boot, until you’ve got nothing left to give- and then realize that it still isn’t what they need?"
-Jodi Picoult

I saw that phrase on someone's page @ tumblr. It's sad isn't it. Having make all the sacrifices, all voluntarily and thinking that it'll keep what one have wholly to oneself. In the end, it only push the person of interest into someone else's arms. I think some calls it "trying to hard". No one to blame but oneself for being silly thinking that all decisions made were just and expecting the person to appreciate what was sacrificed.

Sometimes, I wonder if I were all happy and everything I'll be in a state of... outsider dependant. One thing for sure is that I'll be respecting myself more than the current.

Sigh. I rarely get what I want. The reality is ugly.

I'm your puppet by Gregory and the Hawks

Listen

dreams, dreams go away

I've been haunted for quite a few days. Not spiritually but mentally, by my dreams. It's weird how dreams can reflect the things that's well deep in your daily thoughts. How a few hours of it can cast misery for the hours following the sleep. The human mind is really intriguing.

I've recently received the edited version of Visa Letter from LSE. Finally! I'm set to leave for Jakarta on Sunday. God knows when I'll be back. The people there can be really inefficient! It'll be my pleasure if they prove me wrong, but what are the chances? Come to think of it, I can't believe LSE got it wrong... they seem so efficient at everything! I suppose perfection is non-existent. Forgiving is to understand imperfections.

G-g-g-g-g... I'm thinking about it!

ebbing, & flowing, pushed by a breeze.

Description so appropriately woven.

I feel like reading again!

not worth reading

Tuesday officially marks the start of my exams. So far I am done with half a unit for Biology and a maths paper. Neither of them was completed satisfactorily. It's so demoralising as I think of what I did. Buttttt no point thinking about it because there's so much more to life! *thumbs up*

Shit, I am taking this so easily. I am scaring myself. T_T

Anyway, I will be sitting for another paper tomorrow. The Summer Ball is the day after tomorrow. My death week is a week after that. I feel... weird. I think it's largely due to the fact that I am going to the Ball, which is in the middle of my major exams (A LEVELS) and I am not prepared for it. I am not prepared for the ball either. I am not prepared for anything, wts! Life sucks.

Graaaaaah!!! Activation energy where art thou?

fly me to the moon

"I wish you would just rebel a bit, in the right way"

Wishing = don't be too hopeful on that.

Saying things in public that are hurtful doesn't make the situation any better because it will all just go back to you. I've experienced both sides and it's true.

Bee-tea-double-you, what are the happy things?

Save me, please. The more I think about it and voice it out, the more I realise something that I am unsure about. :'(

Truth be told, you are something that I can't read and I can't say I'd favour that.

Take it out of me

Your eyes are capable of seeing deeper than what I thought.

People get influenced unconsciously. Me, you, you, me, some, all, those, one. It's one of the hints of being involved in something we are not supposed to be part of. We try to deny it upon realisation, throw the skeleton into the closet and hide the closet somewhere no one knows. Maybe, it will come to light someday when it's appropriate, when it is not politically sinful. Initially we thought it was a game, which might have backfired. We've lost our piece(s) while they might have just found theirs, or maybe for real.

When I put the small bits together, my soul screams so loud and gets sucked out. I need... something that I know I can never get.

Now, I understand why they feel/felt that way. There's no escape because it'll be around until apt actions are implemented.

Heed my advice, shut your eyes and erase whatever you have read at this instant. Breathe not a word, make neither worries, frown nor brows. The skeleton is not ready for all of you and me. of existance we do not know

I will be more than happy to be called irrational if that's the truth.

Give me your sorethroat

T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T T^T

T^T !!!

I talk a lot of crap. Sighzxz. What a terrible person.

(T^T = my new crying face teehee T_T is replaced)