closing to 4 weeks of exams

I am currently at a point of extreme saturation. To be preparing for a paper which you have to remember 180+ cases and numerous statutes is definitely a very, very torturous feat. I would love to have a happy ending and fly home with high-spirits knowing that I gave it my best for this exams. Please give me the memory to remember what I have read, give me the strength to keep going and give me the ability to make up for the mistakes done.

无花果

My day has been progressing quite badly due to the following events:

1. Woke up feeling groggy as of the previous few days. My mind is getting kind of sluggish for some reason. I really hope it gets better soon!

2. As I was trying to start reading, a very disturbing drilling noise came from the apartment 2 floors down. How am I supposed to concentrate? Thankfully it has stopped now. According to the person doing the drilling work (yes I went down to ask when the drilling will end), today is supposed to be the only drilling day. There will be no more loud construction on the subsequent days, which will be GREAT.

3. Kept making the same mistakes! I am going to practice one more question and move on to the next topic. Let's get this right Inggrid!! :)

I was eating some preserved fruits by the name of the above title. I thought it is quite apt for this post and kind of describes how unproductive my day is.

I was about to leave this out but I guess I shall type it out. Okay maybe it is kind of silly to be hoping for something to happen despite the slim chance of it happening. I guess it is my fault for letting myself have that bit of hope for Shaun enrolling this year. It is quite a selfish hope, I know. So anyway it seems like he is advised to defer his enrolment for another year. Of course I couldn't help myself and felt sad. It's a natural (selfish) first reaction right? But I guess there's really no point lingering on this issue until there is a final decision. If it is really meant to be, then things will work out. Be it LDR or finding a job here or some other route that is still not in sight... it really comes down to effort (and maybe fate?). All I need to work towards now are good grades and a good degree because everything else is beyond my control.

One step at a time :)

Sent from my iPhone

la note de numéro sept cents

I decided to post something on my outdated blog before I move on and tackle an exam question. I am surprised that this post is actually the 700th post. Have I been blogging for that long or that much? It is definitely not the case recently, especially this year. As I grow up, time just get robbed away little by little. From commitments to interests to just plain staring into space, time slips away regardless of how aware I am. I find myself having the need to apportion my time wisely, which always end up in an epic fail. As I grow up and especially when I got attached with Shaun, I realised that I spend significantly less time with my family (and friends). I do have my reasons for that but I have to say that sometimes I feel that I am being selfish. I do miss those times when the whole family does things together e.g. travelling, sleepy nap times, CNY...

Coincidentally, today happens to be Mother's Day too! I used to be posting quite a bit of (naive and rowdy) things about my mom back in Secondary School days. Being a rebellious teenager, she was really harsh with me. I would always be filled with angst in response to her harshness and having no other avenue to effectively relieve my anger, I always end up blogging it out. Hence my posts about her then would always be really, really... loud. Today my mom still is quite harsh, but she issn't as harsh as she was in the past. It could be the distance and/or that I am more matured than I was back in those days. I definitely don't miss those time when she would scold me for the wrongs I did/ she perceived and there are some things that I still don't quite see the same way as she does. Nonetheless, I always find myself thinking about my mom and the motherly things that she always do. Especially times when I am alone/ away from her/ depressed/ homesick/ emotional/ etc.. I always think of how she always make sure that our clothes are well ironed, small needs are met, making sure that we have enough water to drink etc.. It's the littlest things she does that touches my heart the most. One event I will never, ever forget is one of my birthdays when I was still studying in Indonesia. My siblings were already schooling in Singapore so it was just my parents and myself in our Indonesia residence. It was raining heavily and my dad called saying that he would not be back for lunch. My mom, seeing how excited I was to blow out the candles and eat the cake, did not want to disappoint me by telling me that my dad couldn't make it. So she opened the birthday box, lighted the candles and sang the birthday song for me. Even though my dad was not there as I blew out my candles, I was really happy that at least my mom was there with me. This memory is very significant to me, especially when I rarely get to celebrate my birthday with my family members ever since I moved to Singapore for studies and subsequently, London. Typing this out already makes me all runny. Egawd.

I am still rebellious to my mom. Sometimes I still don't agree with her ideas/ rules. I still get angry when she insists on doing things her way. But I love her no less whenever such clashes happen. It breaks my heart whenever I realise that time is passing and seeing my mom ageing. It breaks my heart that she is always so stubborn at perfecting her housework at the expense of her own health and still waiting for the right time to hire a maid/ buy items that will easily make her life easier (she is irrational like that). It breaks my heart when I see my mom not in her usual harsh/strong self. Maybe that is why she is harsh. I don't know if that is her (unconscious) way of making me strong. It does sound weird that she wants to instill the angst in me too but I guess every mother has her own way of nurturing and loving her child. If I could make a wish on Mother's Day for my mom, I wish that she will always be healthy, joyful and loved by both family and friends. (& that she will be able to be more rational in her thoughts and decisions too :P)

USS

USS was fun although the company was quite a mix :)

It's the time before exams. I still can't believe it. Neither can I believe that I am 20 already!

Delusional? Escapism?

Sent from my iPhone

nails again

I decided to paint my nails with the same design :)

My right hand is always the flawed one...

I woke up this morning with a sore throat and a bit of muscle ache. That was enough to make me stay in bed and fall right back into dreamland. So much for determination to get up at half past eight to make up for lectures missed and work out at noon! Grr. I shall be ambitious and wake up at 7.30 tomorrow. :D

It's nice to spend time with myself again. I do need the time especially when there's SO much to do in SO little time. Finance and Law are the modules I am most worried about. I have absolutely no idea what is going on for Finance and Law is just crazy considering how small(bad) my brain space(memory) is. But it's nice to mend things/ settle misunderstandings. The most recent events have made me realised how much more dramatic I have evolved since, maybe, CTC years? Or earlier last year. The good thing about it is someone facilitated bonding time between my housemate and me... although she might have seen the more dramatic side of me.

This is random but I have decided to really go for long hair (chest - waist length)... & maybe loose curls.

1 more week and 6 more days to go!! I am super excited :D

housemate and PGF

Giving my nails some well-deserved rest. I am having some difficulties in restraining myself from getting them nicely lacquered up though. Lesson learnt: invest in a good base coat.

In the previous post I mentioned that I had a really good week. Apparently it didn't stop there. For the next month or so I had an amazing time with friends. I was given a surprise birthday party organised by the sweetest housemate ever and a potentital good friend. More stories on the latter in a later post. It was a night I never imagined myself having. Ever. But I am glad that I was in good hands. For my dearest housemate who had to go through the spills and stench... and for the PGF who had to stay up just in case I needed assistance: thank you. Neither will I ever forget the surprise by the strike of midnight, when housemate pretended that her room light busted in order to lure me out of my lair. It was quite eeyrie for some reason. I jumped when someone shouted "BOO!". PGF walked out of the bathroom behind me, holding the huge macaron with a red candle on top. They sang the birthday song, I made a wish and blew out the candle. How can I forget such memories?

Once more, thank you both for giving me such an memorable 20th :)

Friends weekend out at Blackpool was fun and inspiring although a bit akward at times. Back in the current, everything is back at the original state. I am spending time with myself once more.

it's kinda late

The senior who agreed to help me get an internship at an Accounting firm in Singapore has sent my (lousy last minute) CV to the director. I am nervous. Will I get the it? I should probably get started on PwC as well...

the H word

Boooooooo! (as in jeering boo not jump-in-and-try-to-scare-people kind of boo or the o-m-g-cuteness-overload boo) I have no will, none at all, to pick up any notes/reading materials/assignments AND IT'S JUST A FEW MONTHS AWAY FROM THE MAJOR EXAMS! Does it spell out d-e-a-d for you? It sure does for me. Especially when I spent the whole of winter break doing nothing productive other than reading something that I absolutely have no idea what it was. Hang on. Oh yes, it was Microeconomics and there were lines and words on the paper. Either way, d-e-a-d it is.

I have been feeling mighty lazy lately and today is the worst ever since Lent started. At least I paid attention during my make up Accounting class (skipped yesterday's class because of the recent disease), took notes for Corporate Law (it was painfully boring trust me) and ??? for Microecons. To be fair today was quite hectic because I just had to schedule the make up class before 3 hours worth of lectures, which adds up to a grand total of 4 hours straight. I thought I did quite well when I paid attention to most of the Law lecture and first 20 minutes or less of Microecons. *beams* I Spent the later quarter of Law imagining my lecturer as a blonde lawyer (legally blonde) and how fashionable she must have been because she wore this patent black coat/raincoat today plus her hair is styled in quite a glamorous way. She is probably older than 60.

The evening was spent deliberating with myself whether I should get a couple of things from ASOS. My very considerate and caring housemate decided to bring my attention to the fact that NUS 20% discount is back. My reaction started off with my excitement escalating uncontrollably followed by a very brisk crash as I brought myself back to reality. As of yesterday, I decided to curb my spending by leaving only £20 in my wallet. January Challenge: £20 for the rest of the month. It took me quite a bit of courage to give it a pass but I'm glad I did myself that favour. :)

I shall now do myself another favour by getting some work done! Woohoo~

pre-Lent depression

Being back in London feels kind of weird this time round. Travelling from Heathrow to Chancery Lane felt lonely as my sister, who would always pick me up previously, wasn't there to do so. I was convinced to take a cab back, which I am sort of glad that I did so (1 heavy luggage and 2 hand-carries). I have no idea how I would have managed if I were to travel back by underground (which would have saved me enough to replace my favourite cardigan which shrunk).

Egawd, today is passing by so slowly! Due to the slight jetlag I'm having, I woke up at 9am (the norm is after 11am) and cleaned my room + kitchen floor and toilet. So glad I managed to finish by around noon. I don't know if it's OCD or what, but I must get the cleaning done before I start studying or I can't study. Yesterday passed by considerably slowly as well. I can't remember what I did yesterday. It must have been on the internet because I can never remember events that happened on the net. It's like a blackout period. Excessive internet surfing is bad :( it makes my days feel so meaningless (skype is an exception). Anyway, the past 2 days felt like as if I never left. It's the same feeling I had when I flew back to Singapore.

Lent term starts tomorrow. MAJOR DEPRESSING! The thought of it completely drains out my inspiration. Not that I have any for this post. Boohoo hope the constant brain freeze goes away soon :(

people you love hurt you the most

3 weeks ago I was looking forward to my flight back to Singapore. I've arrived safely and will be leaving in less than a fortnight. Boohoo, time is passing unbelievably quickly! I have been having quite a bit of fun for the last two weeks here in the lion city but at the same time have been receiving some negative vibes coming from, sadly, home. Haih. I am torn whether I should be looking forward to my trip back to London. Maybe my sister's plan of returning to London is not all bad. It'll definitely make me feel less lonely.

I'm feeling kind of bummed out for some unknown reason. Hope it goes away soon... grr.

damnit I'm stressed... for being inefficient

I'm just one malted milk biscuit away from finishing the whole packet, which I bought yesterday. I'm full, yet I can't stop munching. Must. Stop. Impulse. Snacking. SERIOUSLY. How bad things get! I'm getting nowhere with my freaking ASS-ignment and thinking that munching will help get my mind on it, which obviously failed, I'm forever going to stay a terrible student with a big hip*. :(

It's currently snowing quite heavily outside. December first and I'm already seeing snow-covered roofs in London. C'est la folie! Hehe I miss learning French :)

*A moment on the lips, forever on the hips - this rings in my ears after I stop snacking. Every time!

week 8

Friday's arrival signifies the beginning of weekend 8. I'm highly anticipating the end of Michaelmas for it has been a reaaally tiring one. At this point, my body-clock is somewhat messed up. It might be due to my recent sensitivity towards caffeine, which is totally uncool. Not being able to sleep at 3am is really annoying because it's almost a 100% that I'll end up waking up past noon- sluggabed indeed. Waking up that late is not fun when the Sun doesn't greet you with its glorious rays. Especially when the first thing you think about upon waking up is... catching up with lectures and getting the assignments done! (though on the bright side I'm starting to be more studious hehe)

One of the few interesting things that happened this month includes my housemate's friends visit from France. Their company made me realise how much of a goodie we both are and that I really need to step out of this house more often... both day and night! I've been finding each day as mundane as ever and I could barely remember what I did on day X of the week. Or even one interesting thing I did on week Y. Other than the Harry Potter afternoon. Is that how I want to live my university life?! No. Henceforth next Sunday I will be taking another (baby) step out of my comfort zone- some Christmas market event described as atas by la housemate. Well better than just doing ordinary stuff e.g. shopping, watching videos, etc. right! *detemined

Now that the temperature is falling closer to 0 and lower, I've been feeling hungry so often. I love snacking without guilt, which obviously in reality it rarely happens. As my butt and thighs aching (good sign) due to a recent conditioning class I attended, I just end up feeling even more guilty for snacking! A moment on the lips, forever on the hips. Haih.

It feels weird to be blogging again. I kind of miss how smooth things would just flow from my mind and I would type on and on... and how I used to treat it as an avenue for thoughts with minimal restrictions. Ahh life works in such weird ways. (wts what sort of paragraph is this)

WEEK 8 IS COMING TO AN END WOOHOO! :D I shall ignore how bleak week 9's schedule looks (2 essays and 1 assignment due).

End of weird post :)

boring

Alright, emo time is here. Being in a state of emo-ness actually makes me feel like blogging, weirdly enough.

5 weeks into Michaelmas and what have I achieved? Nothing much. At least nothing academically, sadly to say. Is it normal to be finding myself picking up the pieces which I have left behind while attempting to stay on par with everyone else? I hope it is. Being booked out this Sunday doesn't help. Guy Fawkes fireworks on Friday evening, Bicester (!!) for the whole of Saturday and uni mates' house-warming on Sunday evening. How am I supposed to schedule studies in?! I really dislike the idea of sacrificing more sleep when I think about the intensity of my dark circles. They are the worst. Ever. Grah!! Damn you internet for letting me do endless window shopping! Damn me for my non-existent self-control from surfing the net. :(

I have been trying to find a solution for this though. In the form of a list. I know how much I love love LOVE striking off the points of my list. It works from time to time, but distraction occurs and hence procrastination seeps through. But on a brighter side, it's working better than it used to so I shouldn't be discouraged about all of this and work it out. :)

Ok more on updates. I have settled for Microeconomics, which is quite manageable as for now (though I still picking some things up). My timetable is pretty cool as my Thursdays are officially empty and my only Wednesday lecture is recorded!! Yes I know, it's quite ironic that I'm still lagging behind even though I have 2 weekends in a week. Oh well. First few weeks of Michaelmas was basically spent packing and cleaning the house. I'm so glad my housemate and I came up with a roster. It gives me one less reason to put academics on hold. Like now, I should be studying instead of blogging.

I guess I'll be burning some midnight oil tonight :(

day x+n of packing

Packing never seems to end. Especially when I have this ever-growing idea of mine to spruce up a warm and comfortable room. It's difficult to stop it at an idea because, unfortunately for this case, inspiration keeps coming! Either that or something doesn't go right, hence the need to think of a replacement. Safely to say I'm more or less done with thinking of what goes where. The things that I am left to do: wait for fitted sheet and pillow cases to come, wash my new duvet sheet (which is so soft!!), install the sheets and new pillows (boohoo for hollowfibres), place the drawer liners to the specified (lucky) shelves in first wardrobe, arrange my second wardrobe, get curtains, ect. Yep, there's still a whole lot of actions to be carried out. I can't believe I'm spending so much time into this. It better be worth it!

Year 2 started out pretty mundanely, sadly. Currently it feels like it'll just be another year in uni, but we shall see. It's still too fast to judge. My timetable issn't too bad. My Mondays are INtEnsiVe: 9am to 6pm. What say you? However I'm still in the middle of course selection, which is a total bummer since I've been bugged with the indecisive disease. Microeconomics or Macroeconomics? I started off thinking "definitely Micro" but now that term has started, I've decided to go with Macro and is sort of enjoying it. But! It's just the first week. Lectures always start off, for the most of them, nicely and make you go "ooh this issn't so bad after all". But when I look at the exam paper for Macro it is quite intimidating as it is mainly essay-based questions. Micro is more of proving equations and applying them to the question. It does look challenging because it means that if you don't get the equation right, then that's the end of it. Haih. I shall reserve some time before bed thinking about this.

Back to packing...

beyond control

Tonight I felt heartbroken saying goodnight to you. Just 5 days left. The last five days of the 112 days I came back for Summer holiday. I've tried to not think about it but missing you makes me all weak and fragile. Ready to crack, go berserk and put down everything else that I have ahead of me just to have that warm snuggle and comforting hug. & never ever let myself go. Unforgivably silly, but you're that important to me. Even after our little tiffs or big arguments, I still really, really love you.

p.s. (mild humour) growing corn bits all over yet? ;)

p.p.s is it emotionally easier to send someone off or be the one departing?

can't wait to trim my nails!

Terribly dry hands and miserably long fingernails. :(

Parents are in the house! They were away for about 10 days, leaving me with much liberation and an elder brother. It was quite a peaceful time for myself, the house and TV, although these were minimal. I really enjoyed the outdoors time but at the same time somehow missed the homely noise my parents always make. I can say that my life is all about trade-offs with very little best-of-both-worlds situations. Most of the time.

Anyway, I decided to spend the afternoon at home. Chanced upon a couple of pictures which sort of give me an idea of how I would want to re-furnish (decorate, rather) my room this coming fall. My own room! How exciting. I'm thinking of going along with the existing colour template of white, beige and black, which are pretty neutral. Throw in some light patterns, fairy lights (and bed net!) and maybe introduce a sheer lining curtains to the small window in my room. I'm going for warm and soft theme to retain some Spring amidst the cruelly cold Winter. Oh yea and the gloomy rainy London weather too, which is quite a contrast compared to my potential room. So much furniture shopping to do! It's like as if the apartment is mine and I'm never ever going to move out of it. Oh how I wish...

Grr now I'm anticipating my flight back to London, wait till my sister moves back to Singapore and start the decoration! That's a good thing right?..

did I mention this before?

Sometimes, the credibility of telling the truth is great. The more serious and painful it is speaks of a greater courage than the days spent hiding it. The courage of requesting for the truth, getting the knowledge of and, in some cases, accepting it is also worth admiring.

Which reminds me of something that is relevant. What is cheating? I finally found a proper way to quite explain it. Cheating is doing an action, probably with someone, which upon the revelation of that action to the person you love, will hurt him or her emotionally and/or physically.

What are your thoughts about it?

time-out

Are we playing a game of who-is-saying-it-first?

bingo.

it's the immigration headache again

I had an unbelievably lousy morning to start with. Completely spoilt the rest of my day. Firstly, having to wake up at 7AM is no longer an acceptable thing considering the amount of rest I had for the last couple of weeks. Secondly, being grumbled at is not appeasing at all. Thirdly, not controlling my anger makes everything worse. What happened to my ability of active listening? I reckon I've thrown it out of the window a month back. Recent development of spontaneously immense angst really sucks. For me, I get swallowed by an overwhelming sense of guilt after throwing a (stupid) tantrum at my poor victim. Right away. Irritated --> Anger --> Guilt. Sigh. Is this what I have to through during my teenage hood? Is this like to test whether I will turn out to be a refined, wise and cool-headed adult?

Managed to cool off some steam with my beloved, who chivalrously opened his doors to me. Though we marginally missed McDonald's breakfast (5 minutes), which I have been craving for since forever, quick brunch was pretty satisfying! Unfortunately I have to continue my rush that began since the morning...

As for now, I'm beat. I'm really super sleepy. & hungry. I won't be surprised to see my weight being pulled up by at least 5kg by the end of this Summer. Ahhh demoralising! I shall call Gymbox as my therapist from October onwards. :D

It's actually time to get off work but I'm actually staying on. This is amazing. Normally I'll be getting off asap but I'm actually staying on to try and finish a new task that is due tomorrow. & blogging. New love for the office perhaps?

Alright one more research and I'm out of this place! Sleepybug is pulling me home.

rabbit

Gotta release this urge of blogging. It's immense. I can't control it! I'm glad I am feeling it since I haven't been updating for quite some time. As usual, being an OL have been sucking so much of my time and energy away. I feel fatter already because of the long-ish office hours. My butt is officially stuck onto this chair. Need I mention that I'm growing horizontally? :'(

Anyhoo. I just finished downloading a couple of scanned JMags (!!). MINA's September cover caught my eyes. I really like it. Navy blue background and the slightly dark shade of red (bunny ears hat) really appeals to me. It complements the model's hair real well! My superbly stubborn stand on anti-dyeing of the hair is dying (pun intended). Kao Liese's heavy advertisement is to blame. Chiffon Beige is now my ideal artificial hair colour, since Ash Grey/Brown won't have too much of a change on my hair. It's something like the hair colour of this month's MINA cover girl. It's like a more golden shade of Ash Grey/Brown. You know what? I shall upload it for illustrative purpose. Credits obviously goes to MINA ♥

La couleur des cheveux est tres belle! (omg my French is really deteriorating)

Speaking of languages. I must brush up on my English and French!! Anyone wants to donate grammar books of the two languages mentioned? :D

Mila had a low budget lunch with me today!! Though my taste buds had to compromise with the (not really) low budget, it was quite a good one due to the company. I had fun getting lost (mentally) at Watsons and Sasa with Mi-chan. I honestly think places that sells beauty products is one of the funnest place you can hang out with your (girl)friends. Plus the samples. Minus the salesperson! Electronics and furniture is another. Oh yes. Pet shops too. Amusement parks... Why does it seem like there are so many fun places to hang out suddenly?!?!!

Last week was pretty eventful. Wisdom tooth extraction was not as scary as I expected. Yes there was sawing, drilling and hammering but thanks to the >5 shots of anaesthetic, the pain and terror was discounted to zilch. I didn't feel any pain at all! It was just a little bit of impact which lasted at most 5 minutes. The sound of the whole process was the scariest part! Eh no, the anaesthetic part was the scariest. To cut the long story short, I was injected with a little too much anaesthetic (dentist was scared that I would feel the pain) that I couldn't move the whole left part of my face! I couldn't blink my left eye, I couldn't move the left half of my lips... when I laught it's like a crooked smile! I felt ultra retarded and it was super scary. THANK goodness the effect didn't last long. It wore off within an hour. As a whole, the extraction was made a lot more manageable as I think I was in the right hands. Thanks Naz's mom!! It could have been a nightmare. :) (really enjoyed the 1 week break I had after the extraction too)

Relish with Grace and Amanda on the previous Saturday. I had a delightful time catching up with these two. & listening to the gossips/ social facts. I might have revealed that I'm a facebook stalker, which personally I think is not a bad thing. Being informative is a good thing, no? Come to think of the company, I think Amanda grew taller. It's either her hair/ short skirt or she really did grew taller! Grace is giving more matured vibes than before. (sorry if this came out weird, but I really do think/feel so)

Anyway. Relish is a restaurant located on the 2nd floor of Cluny Court. If any of you do go down, MUST TRY: Coconut Gula Melaka smoothie/milkshake (can't remember what's the end). It's a definite yummo! I really like their parmesan wings but some people thinks that it's alright. It does cost pretty much for half a dozen of wings ($9).

Alrighty! Back to doing tasks. I'm now a courier girl. Downgraded from "HR Manager". Afterwhich, HOME! Hopefully...