so happy I could die

I like the sound of rain. How the raindrops fall onto surfaces be it leaves, railings, windows etc. It's really therapeutic listening to them. Pitter patter pitter patter pitter patter... it reminds me of the time when Shaun and I were baking chilli chicken legs with the skin on. How the air pressure actually builds up below the skin, causing the grotesque bulge (huge one at that) to form. I forgot to poke the skin before sending the tray into the oven. Silly me! Oh yea, and how the fats were oozing out of the chicken and sizzling on the tray, jumping about furiously. Sizzle sizzle... I know I am totally ruining the image of raindrops :P (how in the world did I get from pitter patter to sizzle sizzle??!)

Anyway, it's raining outside. At midnight too, so it's really great for me to stay up and get some work done! But as always, to no avail. I'm still halfway reading the Monopoly chapter of Microeconomics and Behaviour by Robert H Frank, since 9PM. The pace I'm going at is seriously a big joke. While I'm at that, my week has been a joke too. I shall spare the details. So here I am, munching on some kiwi my mom had prepared for me (was supposed to finish it right after dinner). Good alternative to midnight snack! My ferreroes have mysteriously disappeared from the fridge. They weren't that good anyway. I still prefer Royce (hint hint). Naye, I'm kidding. I prefer anything that keeps me awake while I'm reading. Seriously, I need to munch on something as I do my midnight reading or it'll just be moving my eyes along the lines and not decipher what the meaning of the words. Okay I'm getting pointless here...

Moving on. I just realised there are other better methods to keep me awake! :)

♥

White (and red sometimes) roses are such significance :)

I'm listening to GaGa's latest album. I want to go to her concert next year (at the O2)! Anyone up for it? :D

life is short

I finally figured that it has nearly been a month since I last posted! It has not been easy finding time to jot down my thoughts/ activities lately. Especially with assignments piling up and due dates approaching as the second-hand tick by... argh! Horror much. I've got to admit that French is starting to push me to the edge. Homework, essays, lists of vocabulary to memorise, grammar, listening, oral, TESTS... it's a very, very intensive module. After today's surprise test (oh how very nice of you Christophe :) ), I've come to realise I rely a hell lot on the dictionary and that I am behind my work (even though many of my peers seem to find the test quite difficult as well). I really hope I'll survive these 2 weeks (or 3 since most of the French assignments are due by week 11, which is during the holidays & my parents will be around till week 12). The Christmas break feels really distant from now. :'(

Of course there's the pleasure during the 25 days of hectic. Nothing can beat cuddling with your loved one during a cold, windy and rainy season. Such comfort, such warmth in such a cold city! Ahh, thinking of it makes me feel warm inside already. The down side of it was the length of his trip (2 measly weeks! But it's considered pretty generous I suppose since he has to pay for his accommodation on a daily rate £££). Le sigh. Nonetheless, it's a good break from LDR. Real (physically) head butts, hugs and kisses yey! I missed, enjoyed and miss every bit of it. The farewell at Heathrow was difficult knowing that I won't be seeing him for the next 4 freaking months and the fact that he'll be in army by the time I head back! & many other LDR related things...

Anyway, let's move on. Pictures to roughly illustrate how the past 25 days zoomed by:

Went to catch a concert at O2 stadium! I nearly pulled out of this (I really did consider selling the ticket away) but someone decided to treat me to it :D


Huuuuuge crowd, as usual! I like vibe inside the stadium. I don't mean the over-enthusiastic-and-excited-until-violence-start-to-develop kind of vibe. I mean the YEY!!! kind of vibe... you know what I mean?!

Woooooooot all the pretty lights and projections and singing and roaring and jumping and woot woot woot!

Just in case you guys still have no idea which concert I went to. That was a random ticket. We weren't jostling amongst the crowd. (oh thank goodness!)

With the guys who went: Shaun, Boobs and Naz! :D

Pretty good lunch with love @ Pitcher and Piano (?) near campus. It was his last week of the trip :( I realised I took VERY VERY VERY little pictures during his trip which is mega disappointing! :( :( :(

Starbucks with the 2 Abbey guys! Naz and Momo. Was supposed to have Serene there but she had to furniture shop on that day :( (was that really the reason?)

Mo, his blackberry and Shaun. & the random guy looking over his shoulder. We were chased out of the Starbucks by a community officer just because our drinks had been cleared. He assumed that we didn't get any drinks but that is so not true! Each of us got one >:( Anyway, momo left (got to see his new dig) and the 3 of us went for the most overpriced Indian dinner ever. Think £10+ for like a bowl of rice and some meat. & naan too, if that helps to make it seem like it's worth the money (no way ho say).

Oh, what's that? It's a chandelier!

Comes Saturday, Shaun and I went to catch a musical! Spontaneous (or rather, lack of planning -boo me- idea) plan. We had CTC graduation dinner about an hour after the musical. Phantom of the Opera, it was reaaaaaally good and super touching! Why Christineeeeee, whyyy... *cries a river*

CTC dinner, met up with familiar faces and teachers! As shown here are Mr Spiers and us (with Boobs, Pyinnie, Calvin and Regina)

Goodness, it seems like just yesterday when you turned back to introduce yourself!

& after the ceremony, the subtle madness begins!

Oops, during the ceremory. 4As! Good job, very proud of you :D

Calvin, stoning as usual.

With Sunnnnnnnyyy! :D

The person who makes good chicken rice and Jesssss :D

Not one of the best of the set but I found this candid.

With Oxford man and Oxford applicant! :)

On the train back. Rofl at Boobs' pose!! Reminds me of a potato man.

On the last evening before he departs and on our anniversary (omg 1 year already can you imagine?!), he decided to take me to LITTLE BAY for dinner! It's the one in Croydon too. As he said, the circle of life, haha! :D

The profiteroles weren't that good :( but everything else was awesome! We had A LOT of food and I was about to explode by the time we left the restaurant.

Nothing beats spending your first anniversary (not week, not month but year) with the person right in front of you.

It has been quite a year. All those laughter and tears and cold wars and annoying one another and sharing and trying to make you open up to me and cheering one another up and goofing around and you acting as if you are kicking/punching me and me actually kicking and punching you for real and trying to study but end up fooling around and sleeping and movie and sleeping and movie and sleeping and movie and spitting at one another and squeezing your nose and squeezing my fats and indomie and hugs and kisses and asking for kisses and... everything we've done, I truly enjoyed every moment we spend together. I'm definitely blessed that I'm together with you ♥
ty

Ahh... life.

from One Tree Hill

girl: that's really noble Mervin (?), but you are a guy, you have needs. Gigi made you feel special that I obviously couldn't.
guy: that's not true. You made me feel special every single day.
girl: but never at night...
guy gives guilty face.
girl: all those nights we slept beside each other, there were so many times I'd lie awake watching you sleep and I just want to rip your clothes off and attack you...
guy: why didn't you?
girl: I was scared... that what we had was special that sex will mess it all up, that the promise I make will never make to the real thing. Then I realised the relationship we had wasn't that special.
guy: don't say that, we were amazing together Millie. And I know we can be amazing together again.
girl: the mistake we made will always be there between us.....

-yadda yadda-

guy: but I don't want to go back, I want to go forward being this version of us.
girl: what do you mean?
guy: I mean, things were always so easy between us before but this is real life. Yes, we made mistakes, we screwed up. Maybe we can be that couple that finds our way through it to something better, something we both know worth fighting for and protecting. I don't have all the answers Millie, I just... I know that I miss you.

-romantic part comes in, but girl walks off in the end-

(girl and guy was used because I'm not familiar with the names... yet)

It seems like One Tree Hill is going to be the soap to watch before Gossip Girl Season 3! That's 6 seasons + the ongoing Season 7. I can wait for Gossip Girl Season 3! (let's hope it's worth the wait)

Oh yea, another one:

woman: since it's just you and me tonight, I'm going to let you stay up past bedtime and watch Thomas and friends.
LITTLE boy: I'd rather watch Gossip Girl, it's so bad for me.

Way to go junior! Good choice.

a bit about Friday night

I'm actually staying up to post an entry, omg.

Anyway, just wanted to remind myself how much I enjoyed tonight. It was utterly breathtaking! I literally had to gasp for air as I move from laughter to scream, repeat. Gosh, I can't remember the last time I went to a haunted house and had so much fun! I mean, the ones here that I tried were bogus bogus haunted house i.e. where's the scary factor? (as in you know, fake haunted house but it's a fake one at that) Oh wait, the previous best haunted house experience was while I was in Japan. It wasn't a really scary one but the company I had were a whole bunch of witless girls including myself. The type of company really makes a whole lot of difference! :)

I shall wait for the group picture to be uploaded before I make an entry regarding this! That is if I were to remember...

Oh yea, Happy Halloween everyone! :D

&...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHEL TAY KAI YUE!
You definitely won't be reading this but, hey, it'll count for the future right? :D

the LDR thing

Let's talk Long Distance Relationship (LDR).

I'm (or rather, we are- but I shall refer it to only myself for now since this is my vista) currently exactly one month into one of the higher level of relationships- LDR. Even though one month is not a very long time and I am still a total beginner at this, unfortunate for my/our case, I/we have been going through the bitter side of it. Hence, the experience so far has not been pleasant for the both of us.

Hitherto, it has been pretty darn tough. At least half of the time I was upset about something, which would affect him and we would both be upset/annoyed/disappointed/feeling the worst/jaded/lost. & this obviously affects our relationship negatively. Of course, this has been happening even before the LDR started. Summer was quite a struggle with my parents' restrictions. We didn't get to see each other as often as we liked and used to. Sensitivity would kick in now and then and we'll be affected. We have our little silent disagreements and stop talking to each other for a period of time. Now, the fact that the frequency of that happening has increased doesn't help the relationship one bit. & it sucks to the power of infinity.

With him being all the way in Singapore and myself in London, the issues that has remained unsettled just get worse and new issues arise. The first couple of weeks into LDR were alright, we were positive about ourselves and I've decided to take the leap of faith and trust him. But it just come tumbling down from there. I would say I am the main culprit for the bruises and wounds on the relationship. I would be the one who'll be picking up little details, let my mind do the work and express my ultra-sensitivity on him. Then we would feel upset/annoyed/disappointed/feeling the worst/jaded/lost. The thing about LDR is that it makes the making up part so much more difficult than in real life. Hence, tedious. (I wish I had avoided that)
don't you agree?
As cliché as it may sound, it takes 2 hands to clap, 2 lovers for a relationship to work. When I do things that only take into account of my own vista and not his, I am not doing the relationship a favour, more of harming it. I knew this perfectly well at the start of the relationship, but as we progress, it slipped out of my mind. I think that's the one of the reasons why I keep throwing bitch fits at him. I am always thinking for my own self and not him.

At this point, I have to thank my love for constantly keeping that in mind; to be in my shoe, protecting my feelings. So yes, thank you for being the pillar of the relationship, to light up my dying soul and to be my guidance in nearly everything. When I said "what will I do without you" (LOL), I will definitely be living my own life (as what you said). But it wouldn't be as loved and exposed to so many things. It'll definitely be so deprived! I'm grateful for you, Shaun Ng Wai Yan, for being part of my life! :)
I love you ♥
But guys please (and girls), be as transparent and assuring as you can. This stops us from thinking so much.

This is all I have to let out for now. I should be really be get going with my Econs/ finish my French homework. All the best, peace out people! :)

P.S. it seems like I'm not the only girl who express their sensitivity most of the time. Apparently girl's have a higher tendency to throw bitch fits. Hang in there guys, for the sake of love ♥

sad, self-proclamation :(

Gosh, I am the worst girlfriend in the world!

make it work?

Today was such a gorgeous day! The Sun was up, showering its brilliant rays in every direction. The sky was a clear blue with a couple of jet streams here and there. The trees are shedding their leaves now since it's the early/mid Autumn. I have been feeling slightly déjà vu-ish throughout the day. It felt... complex yet simple. A very contradictory feeling, but it was along the line!

I must say that I prefer Thursday of all the weekdays that I have to go to uni. Pourquoi? (pronounce: por-kwa. It French for "why") Well, it starts with French and ends with French, from 10am to 3pm. The timetable is weird in that sense. Between the 2 French classes, I have an hour of Maths lecture (I often snooze during this period) followed by an hour of Economics. The Economics tutor I was assigned to is so student-like (he is doing PhD). He laughs at his own jokes and is so informal! It's cute in a way and it helps to break the ice between him and the rest of us. My French tutor for the classes is such a cute lady. She reminds me of a ballerina/ salsa dancer somehow. I think it's her posture and how she ties her hair up. These 2 tutors of mine (on Thursdays) are always laughing. I hope that won't stop. It will definitely spoil my Thursdays. :(

The rest of the day was spent trying to get my maths lecture notes printed, but to no avail. I wasted about 50p during the process too. What a bummer. They should station more computers in the Library! & printers + cheaper printing fees/ F.O.C for students will be great. Oh yea, get Windows 7 installed! The computers here aren't even running on Windows Vista, but it's understandable since it's said to have a lot of bugs. SO YES, MORE VALUE FOR MY SCHOOL FEES PLEASEEE! (I hope the rest have similar thoughts as me)

Hmm, the past few days have been pretty so-so. Project Runway Season 6 & Mila have been throwing me with "make it work". :)

I feel like cycling today! & visit the London Aquarium... too bad no one was interested in either. I didn't ask around anyway! (笑)
i felt lonely today- でも, ありがとうミリちゃん for being there :)

(I can't stand the poses, that's why it's so small)

Ho-hum. What do you all think?

oh no now you're in it too

I thought these should be kept... for some reason.

You were supposed the one who saves me.

Earl Grey over Lavender

I'm pushing people away before I know it.

Tragic...

I feel like bingeing

It feels like I haven't blogged for a month. Gosh, time is passing by so slowly! :(

Recently, I find that LSE is not as awesome as what I thought it would be. Or rather, my expectations are actually irrelevant to the reality that I am facing now. I feel like I have been cheated by all the branding, marketing and all those tactics. LSE is actually a regular London university: lectures, classes and socialising activities. At this point, I would say that what sets it apart is the number of workshops they organise, the history and diversity of the student body. This list should build up in time to come... I hope. Ahhh, it'll be great if I live in halls for 1st year! I feel really bitter to think about the number of events I've been missing out on due to agreements that I've made (and being "considerate"- sigh).

Grr I can't believe I am actually complaining about the university which I have been dreaming of since Secondary 3/4? This sucks! Where has the optimism (the few drops of it) gone to? :(

French is probably the highlight so far. Yes, I am taking french as part of my course. However, I may be switching to full modules of maths and stats (read GEEK x3 and DOOM xinfinity) before 30th October/sooner. Sigh, stepping into university has forced me to start planning on my future path. The modules that I will be taking on my first year will affect the ones I will be taking on the subsequent years. & one of the methods which I use to decide which modules to take is to consider the modules that I may want to take in the future. Confusing? Oh well, the thing is I can't really seek advice from anyone since this is MY future and I have to plan for MY OWN future. (the advice that I've got so far are very neutral except a few anyway) & the more advice I seek, the more confused/ undivided I get.

Ahh.. I think this is the reason why I feel old and I dread being old. At last! Some light as to why I'm feeling so listless. The wonders of blogging. :)
dont worry b, told u so :)
Let's get back to the topic. Yes, French. The language makes me feel so vulnerable and weak, like a complete beginner (which I obviously am). It's been really long since I've picked up something entirely new. It makes me feel quite alive, learning something from scratch albeit the pace we are doing it. I just hate it when we learn complicated things before knowing the basics well. For example, today we were thrown a whole paragraph of introduction (where I study, which degree and why) and our homework was to memorize how to write it and how to say it! Arghhh but oh well, I guess that can't be helped. :/

It's currently 2 weeks into term (we call it Michaelmas Term here- how cool is that! One of the pleasures I get at LSE) and I've a lot of catching up to do. Seriously, a lot! Sigh. I haven't even gotten my textbook. Except for one, which is borrowed from the library. It's pretty gross because there's dried up liquid marks at the lower 1/3 of the book... with yellow edges. Think chromatography and the end point? Arghhh I'm spreading my stupidity and confusion around aren't I!! (Geez, I am actually talking in my blog post wts T_T)

Okay, this is getting to nowhere. I'm out!

I'm in for

"it's impossible for a man who goes with whores to be loyal."
-quoted from Calvin's blog who quoted from Diary of a Sex Addict.

I'm with that. Think about it.

bye.

P.S. don't even try to.