It's no use hiding/escaping/LYING.

These past few days I learn a few life lessons. I have been carrying this burden in my mind/heart/whatever for quite a while now, due to all the lies that I have been telling people around me. & lately, I just could not hide them any longer. I am actually feeling guilty(super guilty FYI) for all my "ill-doings" all these while.. maybe it's Karma?

Whatever it is, I just could no longer push it aside for the future me to handle the matter. 5/6 days ago I was actually trying to do something, but ended up messing it all up. Then I felt really bad and all, I even lied about who was the culprit(no one asked actually, I just kept quiet and acted it was not me who did it). Now I really regret what I did and knowing that nothing could be done to reverse it, I feel even worse. I don't even know if it will even be fixed in the future. It's like having a cut and not knowing whether a scar would appear when it heals you know? I feel really guilty.

Probably, the guilt had caused me to be super sensitive now. I was actually doing something that was against what my mom said. & in order to hide it from my mom that I didn't do anything, I tried to make it look like no one had touched it. & while I was trying, I messed it up. This time, I am pretty sure nothing could be done to reverse what I did. It's no use trying to hide what I have done at this stage, it's no use lying. So I decided that I would just it back in its current condition. Sigh, what is wrong with me! It's like there's this guilt germ that's following me you know, I feel really bad all the time.

Just now after I had put the thing in its original place, I sort of realised what made me feel so guilty. I remember telling Mila that I feel really bad lying to people and I really want to stop lying. I guess it got me, hurh? Is it Karma? God? Or just me? I don't know, but I just hope that the method could be more gentle, and that things/people around me wouldn't get involved with it(even though it's kind of impossible).

Probably, I should just stick to the books and study, study, study. Cause that way, nothing can go wrong and it will benefit everyone and everything.

Before I end today's post, I would like to apologize if I confused you for the discretion of the matters which I screwed up. So there, good night people!