I just deleted a whole chuck of fucking shit because I just realised that I could save some time and resources by summarizing it to one short sentence:
Life is unpredictable and unfair.
The way I phrased that may sound like as if I am throwing some stupid tantrums, but no. I am seriously feeling depressed and stressed, like as if I am going to breakdown this very second. Everything's going haywire, and I don't know how in the world am I going to clean the mess up and stuff like that. My parents don't believe in stress among young kids(teens), especially people like me. I couldn't just open myself to them, I don't know why, but I just couldn't trust them. And my family members are included.. maybe the people around me too. That's the truth okay.
Often, I feel betrayed. And that affected me a lot, it caused me to lose my ability on how to trust people. Slowly, I tend to socialize less. And if you realise, this is one of the signs that will appear if you are stressed.
Whenever I talk to my parents, I have this sudden urge to tell them eveything. But I always held back everything that I wanted to say, and felt a moment of blank in my mind. Also, I feel a huge amount of guilt all the time. Could it be my hunger for attention from my family? I came to Singapore when I was primary 3 and lived alone with my grandmother since primary 5/6.
I feel so.. alone?
All these feelings, came pouring out when I had some time reflecting after A Math MRT. I seriously feel very stressed.
I've got to think for how my grandmother feel, and not only myself.
